100

Today is my 100th blog post.  It is coming up on two years of this blog and it feels like yesterday that I started writing it.   It has helped me tremendously as it serves as a good reminder that I can push through anything.  I can look back at old posts and see that although life may have seemed bleak at times,  I found a way to persevere.  I hope if you have come across this somehow,  that it has helped you see some of what it may be like to live with a mental disorder.

I cried today for the first time in over a month.  The reason is of no relevance here and I feel fortunate to have made it so long without struggling too much in my mind.  Today just reminded me that my disorder is ever-present and I must continue to build on the success of the last few years.  I am going to have my moments at times but,  the positive thoughts seem to be outweighing the negative ones of late.

I have not taken a mental health day in two years and I am very proud of this.  I have had days off for other things but,  I have not been at a point where my mind was so distressed that I needed to ask for a day.  I have done my best to face challenges and push through bouts of depression when they presented themselves.

The thing I need to remind myself is that I always have a loving wife and amazing dog to come home to.  The most important things are family, friends and love.  I have all three in my life and it helps me stay balanced.  Some that struggle with mental health do not have those aspects in their lives and I feel grateful to have the supports I do.

This week is the last week for Paul at work.  Paul has truly amazed me this year.  He has come so far in such a short amount of time.  I was not sure when he first started but,  he has exceeded my expectations.  He has listened, learned and worked hard to do the best job he could.  I am going to miss working with him as he is such an easy guy to get along with.  I hope we cross paths in the future and perhaps we will get together for some wings in the winter.

Well that is it for post 100.  Hope this finds you in good spirits.  Take care,  Shawn.

 “Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happy Birthday Elias and Karen!!!!

I would like to wish my nephew Elias and my mother in law Karen, a very Happy Birthday today.  Elias turned six and we just got back from his party in Oakville.  Was so great to see him on his big day and we had a lot of fun catching up with friends and family.  Karen is in PEI at the cottage and hopefully is having a wonderful day.

The last three weeks have been going really well.  I have a bit of the downzies today although they are not really warranted.  I worked on Saturday doing some trimming and pruning.  Jesse and I did a great job and the place looks quite nice.  I simply forgot to prune one bed at the front entrance.  We had already loaded up and I did not realize it until we had pulled out of the driveway.  I probably should have turned around but, it really is not a big deal at all.  I am making it out to be in my head though which is silly.  We will be going by there again this week and it will take twenty minutes to finish up.  No one is upset with me,  I am not going to be in big trouble tomorrow and there is no need to stress about it.  I take minor things at times and create bigger problems in my mind.  Instead of enjoying the rest of my weekend,  I spend too much energy worrying about an issue that nobody else is making big deal out of except for myself.  I need to continue to push to create positive outcomes in my mind rather than expecting the worse.  I am quite certain that tomorrow will go well and I will enjoy what I am doing.  I need to approach it like that regardless and know I can handle any situation that may arise.  As Jesse told me,  "Let the good days be great and let the bad days be nothing I cannot handle."

I am coming up on my 100th post which is something I never thought I would get to.  I started this as a hobby and have truly found it to be healing and hopefully helped share some of what it might be like to live with a mental disorder.  At times,  I wish that somehow I could have a new mind in order to avoid some of the inner battles I go through.  When I think about it though,  I would not have discovered so much about myself without the journey I have taken with bi-polar 2 disorder.  It has not been an easy road to travel but,  I have proven to myself and to others that I am capable of change.  I have hurt people along the way and I cannot take back some of my poor choices in life.  I sincerely hope the way I live my life now will show those I have impacted in a negative way,  that I am a person they would be proud to know.

Hope you have an awesome week.  Happy Sunday.  Take care,  Shawn.

“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.”
― Mother Teresa

Happy Sunday

The past two weeks have been very positive.  My mind has grown stronger and I have been focusing on the present rather than the past or future.

Work has been going really well of late.  I have had a chance to do quite a bit of pruning which is where I am in my element.  When I prune plants,  my mind is at ease and I can simply focus on the plant in front of me.  We have had three big jobs in the past few weeks which we have basically finished now so perhaps things will slow down a bit for part of August.  I came in yesterday to finish off planting some cedars which turned out really well.  The customer was quite happy and it was nice to get my hands dirty to start the day.

One of the aspects of my job that I enjoy is transforming landscapes that have perhaps been neglected in the past in to visually appealing finished products.  It still amazes me what can be accomplished in a ten hour day.  At times when we start a job, it seems overwhelming looking at the scope of work.  We just focus on individual tasks at a time and I am always pleased to see how much we have finished at the end of the day.

We are having a relaxing long weekend at home with Ollie.  Just finishing our morning coffees and then I have to cut the grass here and then at my parents.  Probably catch some baseball this afternoon and then Dexter is on tonight.  Not quite sure what to expect after last weeks episode.  The writers for that show are truly gifted and really keep the viewer guessing.  Dave and Megs are on their honeymoon and sounds like they have got a tonne of rain.  Looking forward to seeing them when they get home and hearing about their trip to Thailand.

I believe part of the reason I was having such a hard time was that the two things I had used to help push me through had come to pass.  I had been looking forward to my beautiful niece Micah to be born and she is now a happy and healthy bundle of joy.  I was also using my trip to Dominican to witness Dave and Megs getting married and now that has come and gone.  In the depressed state I had been in,  I could not find new positive aspects of life to look forward to.  Now that my mind has settled down a bit,  I have found many exciting events in the future to keep me motivated.  The first is Jodi's birthday coming very shortly.  I will not tell you how old she is turning but,  I am looking forward to celebrating with her.  I am also looking forward to our long weekend with Meghan and Lincoln at the end of August.  We had a great time with them at the wedding and will be nice to catch up with them and do some boating as well.  There is also the start of the 2013 NFL season in September.  I cannot wait for the first kick off and watch my NFL red zone on Sundays.  I am also looking forward to fall as it is my favourite season of the year.  The falling leaves and the crisp morning air are just a few aspects of fall that I love.  So when I really put my mind to it,  there continues to be so many good things to use to motivate myself when I am feeling a bit low.

I hope you are enjoying your long weekend.  Have a great week ahead.  Take care,  Shawn.



“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”
― Albert Camus