Tuesday, 31 December 2024

Keep Moving

 Happy New Year's Eve.  Hope this finds you well.

As we turn the page on another year,  I wanted to write one more post that me be helpful in some way.

I would like to share a story about my first day of the season this past year in early April.  This was the first full season of my return the landscaping industry.  I have osteoarthritis in both of my hips and have had a crippling issue at times with my SI joint on my right side.  Last winter I made some progress with my physical issues but, I was still very limited with movement, especially on my right side.

My first day back in the spring was full of anticipation and it felt wonderful to be back working outside where I belong.  The day started off well but as the morning progressed the SI joint on my right side was in immense pain and the pain shot down the back of my leg.  I could barely walk and was gritting my teeth with each step.  Inside my mind I was thinking I was not going to make it through the first day let alone the grind of an 8 month season.

It was at that point that the healthy part of my brain kicked in.  I just told myself to keep moving.  One step at a time.  It will eventually get better.  The pain will subside.  A lot of people deal with pain.  Just keep moving Shawn.  Not only did I get through that day but, I ended up having one of my best seasons ever and only missed one day of work due to an issue with my SI and back.

To be completely honest, the last week has been a battle mentally for me.  I often find this time of year the most difficult time of year.  My Cbristmas Day was plagued with suicidal ideation and for the following few days.  I was in and out of depression.  My mood was erratic.  My mind was very racy.  And the joy I have rediscovered over the past year was gone.

As with the story about physical pain,  I just had to keep moving.  Keep pushing through it.  Getting by minute by minute.  Hour by hour.  Knowing at some point I would get through it as I have proved to myself that I could.  That the darkness would subside and I would be able to see the light of life shining through once more.  

I did not share that to make anyone worry or to feel sorry for me.  It is something I live with and I will always have to manage it at varying points for the rest of my life.  My point is that sometimes in life , we simply have to keep moving as hard as it may be.  Everyone on earth deals with struggle of some sort. Keep belief in yourself that you can persevere and that you deserve love, compassion and happiness.  You are worth it and the universe cares about you.  I believe in the power of the human spirit and that we can always overcome.

Keep Moving

I wish you nothing but the best in the new year.  May you find peace, love and new adventures.

Happy New Year

Take care

Shawn


There is some good in this world,

and it's worth fighting for.

J.R.R Tolkien 


Saturday, 28 December 2024

15 Years

 Hope this finds you well.  I have not written in a while and I am hoping I can reconnect with my writing again in 2025.

On November 2nd ,  I celebrated 15 years of sobriety.  It was a big milestone for me and I felt a sense of great pride having achieved that.  When I made the conscious choice to address my alcohol addiction, it was the first step in getting to where I am today.  I have still struggled in that time with my gambling addiction but giving up alcohol was a pre curser to the success I have had with my gambling addiction over the last two years.  

I could not remember any time in my life where I had one drink.  I had no shut off switch or ability to drink socially.  I was filled with great shame for a long time in my adult life over some of the choices, actions and behaviours that transpired when I consumed alcohol.  If I could turn back time and had known the complexities of my disorder and my addictive nature, I never would have taken my first sip of alcohol.  But alas time does not go in reverse.  I can only learn lessons from my past and do as much as I can to spread awareness, knowledge and decreasing stigmas surrounding mental health and addiction.  

If you are looking for things to watch during this holiday season, Stephen Fry has an excellent two part documentary out there called the Secret Life of a Manic Depressive.  It is a wonderful documentary and gives really good insight in to bi polar disorder and the impact it can have on someone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtImgnj5DN0

Another great documentary is currently on Apple Tv with Selena Gomez called My Mind and Me. It was very brave and courageous of her to disclose her diagnosis and share some of her story being that she lives much of her life in the public spotlight.  I really respected her vulnerability in sharing and recommend giving it a watch.  

During the holidays, many people are often looking for charities to donate to.  If I could suggest one that does some amazing work.  Portage in Elora , On works with youth struggling with addiction.  I find their work to be so important as the earlier we can reach individuals struggling with addiction and/or mental health, the better chance they will have of finding balance in their lives and reaching their potential.

https://portage.ca/en/ontario/

I share my story because I want to impact others in some way as my way of gratitude for all the people that supported me along the way to get where I am in this moment.  It seems at times like our world is collapsing around us. Many things are out of our control but, we can always impact the lives of others by showing kindness and empathy to our fellow men and women.

Have a wonderful new year.  I hope 2025 is a year of hope, strength and new beginnings for you.

Take care.

Shawn 

Goodness is about character - integrity, honesty, kindness, generosity, moral courage, and the like. More than anything else, it is about how we treat other people.

Dennis Prager

Sunday, 28 April 2024

Spring Renews Strength

Good morning.  I have not kept up with my blog for the last few years and my intention is to rectify that in the upcoming months.

A quick update on myself.  I was working as a courier for almost three years but, made the decision last fall to come back to the landscaping industry.  Working in the shipping industry was simply not for me.  I put everything I had in to it but, felt no sense of reward or value in what I was doing.  I caught on with an amazing landscaping company last fall and have continued with them this spring.  I am probably doing the best mentally at this point in my entire adult life.  My addictions are in check and my general mood overall has been quite balanced.  I still have a ways to go to be where I want to be but,  I am pleased with the current trajectory I am on.

I wanted to share some of my personal landscaping tips for this time of year.  Although I have written a lot about my struggles with bi polar 2,  it does not define me as a person and I believe I have value in sharing other aspects of my journey.

Spring is here.  It signifies a fresh start in a way and renewed strength for those who may have had a difficult winter.  Flowers blooming and grass shooting up gives us insight in to the ebs and flows of mother nature.  Spring brings hope amidst a challenging time of our existence as a society.  

As many of us cannot afford landscaping services,  I wanted to share a few ideas of mine for the upcoming growing season.

First I wanted to start with lawns.  I have worked endlessly on my front lawn over the years and my efforts have been rewarded.  I have already fertilized and it is thick and lush already at this point of the year.

What I would suggest for getting started would be to give your lawn and good hard raking to remove thatch and debris from the winter.  Some lawns would have some gravel on it from winter damage.  In that case you would need a hard rake to get that out.  Aerating your lawn at this time of year is not a bad idea as well.  You can also do aerating in early fall.  It is very beneficial for lawns and you can usually find it at a reasonable price in the paper or by researching some local landscaping companies.  Compacting your lawn with a roller is also a good idea for lawn health.  

This time of year is a great time to fertilize your lawn.  A fertilize high in nitrogen at this team of year is ideal.  I am not in the habit of promoting companies that often but,  Nutrite fertilizer is still the best fertilize on the market in my opinion.  I use their 20-5-15 and it has had spectacular results.  I put it on 3 or 4 times a year.  You want to fertilize right before getting a good amount of rain if possible. So it can get in to the soil and do its job effectively.  Do NOT fertilize during a dry spell in the summer.  It will burn off your grass and have negative impacts on the health of your lawn.  Unless you have an irrigation system,  I would not recommend fertilizing in the hotter months of July and August.  

When I fertilize, I often throw some overseed mix on my lawn.  You can find overseed mix at most nurseries or landscape supply businesses.  I have found over the years that the key to limiting weeds in your lawn is in fact that strength of your lawn.  The thicker your lawn and the more seed that can be established will limit the ability of weed species to take over your lawn.  Yes you can have someone spray your lawns for weeds or spay it yourself but, that will not really solve the long term health of your lawn.  I have worked on a lot of properties that have had their lawn sprayed by a company and the results are very limited.  Spraying a lawn that is overtaken by weeds may kill the weeds but if there is no root structure for good grass then it will defeat the purpose.  If a lawn is at a point where a large portion of the lawn is overtaken by weeds , then taking out that section of lawn and starting fresh with soil and seed or sod may be the way to go. 

With the rain and warmer temperatures, the grass around here has shot up and if you have not started cutting yet, you probably should.  There are a variety of push mowers on the market and you should take your time in choosing one.  Buying the cheapest one may not be the right play for the long term. Read reviews online about mowers and choose the best fit for you.  A self propelled mower is a good option if you do not want to have to work as hard cutting your lawn.  A push mower with a mulching attachment is also a good option as it limits the need to bag.  If you have a larger property, you may be in the market for a ride on mower.  Lawn tractors are often used for larger residential lawns but, I bellieve a zero turn mower is the best option.  They give you more manoeuvrability and provide a nicer cut.  I have ridden a lot of zero turns in my 12 years of landscaping and John Deere is still the best one I have used by far.  It certainly has the best traction and also has a mulch kit option which is great for the fall.  You would be amazed at how well it churns up leaves.  There are a lot of good options out there and at varying price points.  Again, do your research and find the best ride on for your property and budget.  

When cutting your grass,  try your best to vary your lines.  It is better for your grasss to roate the direction you cut each week.  If you cut the exact same way each week, it can often creatge ruts in your grass.  Also in my opinion, I find it quite boring when I seee lawns cut the exact same way each week.  If your rotate the direction you cut each week,  you can create a type of diamond look to your lawn.

That is it for my tips for today.  I will write some more ideas for the season later this week.  Hope all you are keeping welll and wishing you good mental health.  

Take care

Shawn