Lessons Learned

I worked almost twelve hours today and loved every minute of it.  I am thankful to still have a job that I love and be able to breathe in the fresh air on this beautiful day.

As I mentioned yesterday, I was quite anxious about today.  All my fear and anxiety over the past week was my own doing and I am thankful to be moving forward at a place I enjoy being.  I had a good chat with my boss and feel comfortable moving forward. I still wish the Friday before I left had gone differently as I had really looked forward to the trip to Dominican and I did not enjoy it nearly as much as I should have. All because of not cutting a church on Thursday at 6:00.

I have learned some valuable lessons over the the last few weeks which I would like to touch on.  The first is that the written word is a powerful tool and should be used with care.  Writing can make people laugh and fill them with joy but, it can also hurt people you truly care about.  I learned that the hard way and will never use this blog in such a manner again.  I love writing in this to share my journey regarding mental illness but,  I will never disregard my good sense and moral compass in the future.

The second thing I learned is that it is best to deal with situations head on.  If I simply had the courage to say what I was feeling in the moment, then it would never have come to all of this anguish in my head.  I find it difficult to do so at times but, it sure beats the hell out of what I have put myself through over the last week.

The third thing I learned is that I need to think before I react to things.  I cannot take things so personally and although it may be challenging with my disorder,  it is an aspect of my life that needs improvement.  I need to develop some thicker skin and let things slide off my shoulders more.  I am a good person and strive to contribute to my family the best I can.  I cannot let situations affect the many positive aspects of my life.

The last but, certainly not the least, is that I have an incredible life partner in Jodi.  She has been instrumental in my life and helped me push through this last week.  On the way home,  I was remembering all the amazing aspects of our trip to the Dominican.  Those positive memories I took home with me would not have been possible without Jodi.  She makes me want to be a better person every day and to push myself through times of darkness, fighting for hope.

I want to congratulate Dave and Meghan on their wedding.  They make a wonderful pair and have no doubt that they will share an incredible life journey together.  I owe Dave so much and I am thankful that he has found such an amazing woman to share his life with.  Hope you have an awesome honeymoon filled with laughter and joy.  Safe travels.

I was thrilled to see Ollie again last night.  Felt like I had been a way from him for a month.  It filled me with such joy to see him run up to me again wagging his tail.  I missed him a lot and hope to take him for some good plays this weekend.

Hope you have a great week.  Take care,  Shawn.

Let the good days be great and let the bad ones be nothing that I cannot handle.  Jesse Reed

Last Day

It is our last day here on this beautiful island in Dominican. It has been a challenging week for me personally but, we have tried to make the best of it. After a week a go Friday when I had a really hard time, I wrote a blog with my emotions rather than with my head. I just needed to vent and had meant to take it down the next morning. Alas it was read and I got an e mail on my first morning of vacation about how disappointing my words were in my blog. My intentions were never to insult anyone but I still should not have wrote it. Just wish those few days before the trip had gone a lot differently. I have been looking forward to this trip for a year now and have spent much of the week in a depression. I have cried on numerous occasions and have had some intense suicidal thoughts. All I have been able to think about is this coming Monday morning and what is going to happen to me. Not sure if I have the strength to face it. It is often forgotten as I function well at times that I have a serious mental disorder. Nobody can realize how many negative thoughts and emotions run through my head on a daily basis. I sat on the beach on Dave's wedding night crying for twenty minutes asking God what I am supposed to do. I try so hard to live a good life but, it is difficult to constantly fight inner battles.  Nothing is worth my life but, it becomes increasingly painful to carry such negative emotion. One thing this trip had shown me is that I have lots if people that love and care about me. So many good people and things to live for so I will do my best to push through. Another thing I realized again on this trip is how amazing Jodi is. She did not let me sink deeper this week but, pushed me to do activities to help me focus in other things. Always making sure I just took it one moment at a time. I love her dearly.

Hope you had a good week. Take care, Shawn.

Micah Francis Hope

Micah Francis Hope

It is with profound joy that I introduce my niece, Micah Francis Hope.  She was born on the fourth of July at 6lbs, 10 ounces.  She is beautiful and I cannot wait to hold her for the first time.  Micah is in good hands at Credit Valley Hospital and seems as though she is a healthy baby girl.  I am certain she will be fine as Amaya will be watching over her little sister and helping her stay strong.  The gift of Micah is truly a blessing and I am so thankful to have her in our lives.  Happy Saturday Micah.  Love ya,  Uncle Shawn.