Football is Back

I love Ollie but, he was a bit of a monkey this morning.  He woke me up at 1:30 to go pee and then again at 5:30.  So much for a good nights sleep.  He will be sleeping downstairs this week as I am on earlies and need my sleep.

I had a really good week last week.  It was only a four day week but, it felt like a six day week.  We got a lot accomplished in a short time period.  Friday was a tough day as it was over 40 with the humid ex.  It was probably the hottest day of the year which is kind of funny as we are in September.  I had a very close call with a tree.  The heat must have gotten to me as I made a very poor decision and it almost cost me.  Fortunately it barely grazed me as it fell. I gave my boss a pretty good scare and I think he was just thankful I was alright.  I have done a tonne of tree work this year and never came close to putting myself in that position.  I definitely learned a valuable lesson and will not make the same mistake again.

Mentally, I have been doing fairly well.  I was actually quite proud of myself last Thursday.  We had a bit of an incident with the Ferris as the exhaust was knocked off with a swing that Devin had put in the tree.  Now I was not aware that Jessie and Devin were putting that particular swing in the tree to cut around the tree pit.  I would have put that idea to rest if I had known as it was only an accident waiting to happen.  I was riding the John Deere and saw Devin approaching me.  I knew something shitty had happened.  When he explained the situation, I was pretty pissed off.  I could not be too upset with him as he had only been doing what Jessie had told him to do with the swing.  We looked at the situation and I told him just to leave it and go push mow.  There was nothing we could do at that point as the exhaust was still hot.  Sometimes it is better to leave a problem and come back to it.  We looked at the exhaust at break.  We took off the bolt on the bracket and I banged it out a bit with a hammer.  I then put the exhaust back on and fit it to the bracket again.  My temporary fix up job worked and the machine was running well again.  Now it does not seem like a big deal as fixing situations is ultimately part of the job.  It was significant because in years past,  this incident would have thrown me for the remainder of the day and perhaps the rest of the week.  I would have been consumed with worry and dead set on focusing on the negative.  My mind would have been racing a mile a minute and my mood would have slipped down dramatically.  I handled it on Thursday really well and did not allow the situation to affect me drastically.  I tried to look at is as an unfortunate situation.  I could not control the fact that it happened but, could control my reaction to it and I am proud of myself for the way in which I carried myself.

My thoughts have been relatively balanced of late.  I have been able to control them in a positive way.  I still have many thoughts that should not be there and it is often difficult to navigate them.  Thoughts can be very powerful and I have let them control me in the past.  Now if I have thoughts that should not be there or are unhealthy, I tell them to fuck off or give them a finger.  It seems to work for me for the most part.  The odd time I may let something linger in my mind that is negative but, it has become easier for me to manage my mind.  My mind continues to grow stronger and is healthier that it has ever been.  I still have some pretty odd images as I close my eyes to go to sleep to night but, my one medication helps me with that so I can fall asleep a lot easier.

I use the NFL season as a bench mark for my year and I have made it to another season.  So excited for kick off this afternoon.  We are heading to Dave and Megs to watch the games and Jodi is making some soup for lunch.  Dave and Megs had a beautiful baby girl named Madelyn a short time a go and I am looking forward to seeing her again today.  I think Dave is pretty happy to be a father and I know they will make great parents.

I hope things in your life are going well.  Have a great week.  Take care,  Shawn.

“Listen to the people who love you. Believe that they are worth living for even when you don't believe it. Seek out the memories depression takes away and project them into the future. Be brave; be strong; take your pills. Exercise because it's good for you even if every step weighs a thousand pounds. Eat when food itself disgusts you. Reason with yourself when you have lost your reason.”
― Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression