I have not been feeling well mentally the last few days. I worked Saturday afternoon filling salt bins. I was not feeling too bad while I was working but, as I drove home, my mood slid downwards in a hurry. I cannot pin point the reason exactly but, I sunk in to a mini depression. I sat in our chair crying when I got home. I just felt overwhelmed by everything at once. Jodi was not home and I felt alone in my sadness. When I sink in to these bouts, I only see negatives and my mind pushes out anything positive. Jodi helped to pick up my mood when she got home. She does not let me accept the mood I am in and helps me push through.
I was feeling off again yesterday. I had forgotten to take my meds the previous night and I have not done that in over a year. I was up really early and could never really get back to sleep. I had a lot of cleaning to do as we had our home inspection yesterday. We are getting closer to getting our first home. I almost made myself sick with nervous energy as I was really worried about the inspection. I was crying again for a bit and was grateful for how smoothly the inspection went as it definitely alleviated the stress I was feeling. I am very excited about getting a house for the first time but, I put a lot of pressure to help out as much as I can financially. There has not been too much snow so far and I am worried that I will not get enough hours in over the winter plowing and salting. I am still not sure about working over nights and how that will impact me mentally. Good sleep is so important for me and it will definitely be a challenge with the hours I will be working.
Today was a much better day. I got one of the best sleeps I have had in quite some time. I had a chance to go for a coffee with my dad which is always nice. I was able to enjoy the day and not worry too much about how the next few months will play out. I really appreciate good days and need to remind myself that this time of year is always a challenging one for me. Things will work out as they should and I need so spend more time enjoying the small things in life as opposed to worrying about possible negative outcomes.
Looking forward to seeing my sister tomorrow. Should be a nice day for a drive. Looks like I may get in some salting tomorrow night which will be good.
Hope you enjoy the rest of your week. Take care, Shawn.
One step at a time Shawn! We all get into a funk sometimes. Put out the positive things that you have to offer, positive thoughts thrown out into the world WILL come back to you! Big Hugs, Sylvy
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