Frustrating

I am off this week.  I left work after only an hour on Friday due to the tendinitis that has been impeding me over the last two months.  It hurt just to squeeze a blower trigger.  We had a rain day Monday so I thought I should go see my doctor again about it.  She recommended taking this week off to try to rest it enough that I would be able to finish the last 5 or 6 weeks of the season.  She also referred me for a cortisone shot which may take a month and half to get in.  Ideally I would be finished work by the time I got the shot so it could actually work and I would not be in danger of regression again.  This has been extremely frustrating for me the last few months.  I have missed out on activities I love to do and it is starting to really piss me off not having normal range of motion or the strength I used to have in that arm.  I have 4 appointments booked this week with physiotherapy and Osteo.  I am taking anti-inflammatory pills which are hard on my stomach.  I am at the point today where I want to just go back and push through the pain and discomfort.  I can't make money sitting at home and I fear this rest and the treatments I am getting will go for not as nothing changes the fact that my job is very physical and the chances of nullifying any progress I make this week are very high.  The only chance my arm has of healing properly is when I am done work for the year.

At the same time I have been dealing with my elbow, I have also been slipping in and out of depression.  My mind has had a few days where my thoughts would not slow down and my mood has shifted dramatically on occasions.  Yes I have periods of stability but, my disorder is always just underneath the surface.  I navigate thoughts and moods every day and it can be draining.  It still bothers me when people say that everyone has bad days.  I am going to write about a typical "bad" day for me soon and see if you would think that would constitute normal thought patterns. 

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about my future and what path lies ahead for me.  I love landscaping and this year has been amazing.  At the same time though, I am starting to realize that age is catching up to me a bit and my body is sending me messages through what I have pushed through physically this year.  I would love to take the winter to really pursue a vocation in writing as it has always been a dream of mine.  I do not want to look back twenty years from now and regret never having taken a shot.  Landscaping has provided me with a passion and in a lot of ways was one of the factors that has saved my life.  I am not sure what next year will bring for me but, I will always be thankful for experiences I have shared with others through landscaping.  And especially for the opportunity to have learned the art of pruning.  As I have said many times,  it is the only thing that really brings my mind peace.

That is it for me today.  I hope this finds you well.  Take care,  Shawn.

“

The pain of the mind is worse than the pain of the body.

Publilius Syrus

Damn Elbow

I have had tendinitis in my right elbow for over two months now and it is getting extremely frustrating.  I left work this morning as I had discomfort just from using a blower.  I have missed out on the last part of three pitch, tennis with Jodi and now my basketball league.  I am concerned it is only getting worse and I cannot afford to have permanent damage as I make my living with physical work.  Unfortunately, what I probably need is rest but, that is something my line of work does not afford.  I remember tearing ligaments in one of my ankles and having to rush back so I would not miss too much work.  I do not have anywhere near the same grip strength I used to have and my range of motion with that elbow is limited without discomfort.  I have been taking anti-inflammatory pills for it but, they have wreaked havoc on my stomach and need to take a break from them.  I used to have a lot of stomach issues from stress and anxiety from other landscaping jobs but, this job has been amazing for me and I have rarely had these issues with my stomach.  I am trying desperately to get in to see someone today but, it difficult on short notice and I never seem to be able to get in to physio or my osteopath when I really need it.  Also, people seem to have an issue getting back to customers at times and it pisses me off.  I understand that it is hard to get appointments at the last minute but, at least have the courtesy to return my call.  I plan to relax this weekend and keep my elbow rested.  I am not sure if it will be any better by Monday without any treatment but, I can always hope.

Our season is winding down. I would say we have another 6-7 weeks left.  I am not counting down like I have in the past.  This job has been a very positive experience for me and definitely my favorite season in this business.  It is amazing how much people can make such a difference in the quality of an experience and I have been fortunate to have worked with a lot of really good people this year.  I truly enjoy going in every day which is why this issue with my elbow has been so challenging.  I want to be there and helping out and do not want to feel like I am letting the team down. 

The cooler weather seems like it will be here to stay now which will be a nice change.  It is great weather to work in.  Hopefully the winds will not be too bad as they can be a pain in the ass for fall clean ups.

I hope this finds you well.  Take care,  Shawn.


Happy Happy Happy (toot noise)

S.A