I had today off as I have developed a growth on the bottom of my foot. I looks similar to a callous but, will not know for sure until I see the chiropodist in two weeks. The problem lies in the fact that it is painful to walk on. Just so happens that my profession requires me to be on my feet for the majority of the week. So for the next few weeks, I have to learn how to embrace the pain. I cannot take the time off work to rest it so I will just have to convince my mind to push through for two weeks until I can see the foot doctor. The nurse practitioner mentioned that it may be something called Mortons Neuroma but, we will have to see.
I mentioned in an earlier blog about embracing the shit. I just have to apply the same philosophy to a physical ailment. It may not be easy at times but, I can look at as an opportunity to challenge myself. There are thousands of people across Canada that deal with physical pain on a daily basis. There is no reason I cannot do the same until I can get it treated properly.
Jodi and I were supposed to have date night but, think we might postpone it until tomorrow. Jodi is pretty wiped at the end of the week and I need to soak my foot. I took Ollie for an off leash adventure this morning and he did remarkably well. He came to the car when it was time to go and chose not to make me chase after him for an hour. Perhaps he is getting wiser with age.
I have some good news to pass along. I got on to the on call list for the airport this winter to plow snow. It pays really well and if we get a lot of snow, it could help us immensely with saving for Dave's wedding and our hopes of purchasing this home. The issue that we have to sort out soon is finding a second car. I am hoping we can find a good used vehicle that won't break the bank. I need reliable wheels as I could be called in to plow at anytime of day or night. Thank you to Sheldon for giving me a shot, won't let you down.
I am glad the NFL finally came to their senses and gave the officials what they deserved in the first place. It boggles my mind how a billion dollar industry would have such hesitation in paying a crucial part of the game what they are worth. As the first three weeks have shown, it is not an easy job and not just anyone one can step in and do it successfully.
We are anxiously awaiting the season premier of Dexter on Sunday. I know the show is kind of dark in nature but, I love the writing and the psychology behind Dexter is interesting.
I truly hope you have an amazing weekend. Take care, Shawn. Happy Friday!!!!
Pause before you make a decision.
Friday, 28 September 2012
Sunday, 23 September 2012
Presidential Election
I was watching the Presidential candidates being interviewed on 60 minutes tonight. I thought the interviewers did a remarkable job at getting at the tough, direct questions. They certainly did not take it easy on the two men trying to earn the votes of the American public.
Romney did not impress me at all. He talked in circles and never seemed to have a concise response to the questions. I do not particularly like Romney. There is just something about him that I do not trust.
Obama did impress me with ability to answer some difficult questions. I realize he has not been able to accomplish some of the objectives he set out to in his term but, I would rather have him guiding the our neighbours to the south as opposed to Romney. Obama has a way with speaking. If he can start to use his remarkable skills as an orator to aide him in passing some bills, he will go a long way to make Americans proud.
I believe part of the problem comes back to George W Bush. I still do not understand how he was voted in for one term, let alone two. Guess he has his brother and the state of Florida for getting that first term. I still think Al Gore would have done wonders the American public. Obama inherited the largest federal deficit in US history from the Bush administration. Bush was primarily responsible for bailing out the banks to the tune of 700 billion dollars which to me, is absolutely insane. When individuals mismanage their money, the government is not there to bail them out. I think the fact that the Banks took that money borders on being criminal. I was livid when I heard they passed that in congress. I guess fat cats do look out for one an other.
The problems appears to be the great divide between the Republicans and the Democrats. We see the same issues here in Canada, limiting the amount of production in politics. The Republicans and Democrats seem hell bent on disagreeing with each other on every significant policy reform. That is why their is a sluggish amount of progress in terms of getting meaningful bills passed. I do not have the answers but, they need to start working together for the people, not their own interests.
I could go on all night about American politics but, the Sunday night game is turning out to be a great battle so I think I will shut it down for the night.
Great leaders look out for the common man. It is sad to see that it does not seem to be the norm these days.
Take care, Shawn.
Romney did not impress me at all. He talked in circles and never seemed to have a concise response to the questions. I do not particularly like Romney. There is just something about him that I do not trust.
Obama did impress me with ability to answer some difficult questions. I realize he has not been able to accomplish some of the objectives he set out to in his term but, I would rather have him guiding the our neighbours to the south as opposed to Romney. Obama has a way with speaking. If he can start to use his remarkable skills as an orator to aide him in passing some bills, he will go a long way to make Americans proud.
I believe part of the problem comes back to George W Bush. I still do not understand how he was voted in for one term, let alone two. Guess he has his brother and the state of Florida for getting that first term. I still think Al Gore would have done wonders the American public. Obama inherited the largest federal deficit in US history from the Bush administration. Bush was primarily responsible for bailing out the banks to the tune of 700 billion dollars which to me, is absolutely insane. When individuals mismanage their money, the government is not there to bail them out. I think the fact that the Banks took that money borders on being criminal. I was livid when I heard they passed that in congress. I guess fat cats do look out for one an other.
The problems appears to be the great divide between the Republicans and the Democrats. We see the same issues here in Canada, limiting the amount of production in politics. The Republicans and Democrats seem hell bent on disagreeing with each other on every significant policy reform. That is why their is a sluggish amount of progress in terms of getting meaningful bills passed. I do not have the answers but, they need to start working together for the people, not their own interests.
I could go on all night about American politics but, the Sunday night game is turning out to be a great battle so I think I will shut it down for the night.
Great leaders look out for the common man. It is sad to see that it does not seem to be the norm these days.
Take care, Shawn.
Happy Sunday
I was up at 6:00 this morning. I have a hard time sleeping in on the weekend as my biological clock is set to get up for work. I also seem to have tossed my pillow on the floor last night so I was not exactly having a comfortable sleep. I really do not mind being up this early. I find it peaceful. There are not too many folks out and about at this time on the weekend. I like taking Ollie for a walk this early and just embracing the silence.
I am having a pretty good weekend so far. We had a relaxing day yesterday. We caught up on some cleaning and some laundry. I am good at tidying but, am learning to be a better cleaner as well. It was nice to have our laundry machine up and running as we have been without it for the last month. The guys finished the laundry room and it looks amazing with its new amenities. I cannot wait to try out the new shower.
We took Ollie off leash yesterday for the first time in months. He seems to have a mind of his own when it is time to get in the car and go home. He is a free spirit and likes to go on his little adventures. It went well though and we did not have too many issues getting him to hop in the car. I may try again today although I hope I am not pushing our luck.
It is hard to believe that October is right around the corner. Work is winding down and I am looking forward to resting my body and mind in a couple months. My body has been feeling the last six months over the last few weeks. I have been having some issues with the bottom of my right foot and think I may have to get another pair of work boots to see if that helps. I cannot get in to the chiropodist for a month which does not really help me at present time. My mind is looking forward to the break as well. I have noticed that it has been racing a fair amount over the last week. I need to really watch this and take some time to slow things down.
I do not have too many pressing issues to write about today. I am feeling much better than last Sunday and look to have a positive day today. The sun is out now and the cool fall air is calling my name. Time to take my boy for a nice walk.
Happy Sunday. Take care, Shawn.
When you here some funky music during the day, take some time to bust a little move. Guaranteed to make you smile.
I am having a pretty good weekend so far. We had a relaxing day yesterday. We caught up on some cleaning and some laundry. I am good at tidying but, am learning to be a better cleaner as well. It was nice to have our laundry machine up and running as we have been without it for the last month. The guys finished the laundry room and it looks amazing with its new amenities. I cannot wait to try out the new shower.
We took Ollie off leash yesterday for the first time in months. He seems to have a mind of his own when it is time to get in the car and go home. He is a free spirit and likes to go on his little adventures. It went well though and we did not have too many issues getting him to hop in the car. I may try again today although I hope I am not pushing our luck.
It is hard to believe that October is right around the corner. Work is winding down and I am looking forward to resting my body and mind in a couple months. My body has been feeling the last six months over the last few weeks. I have been having some issues with the bottom of my right foot and think I may have to get another pair of work boots to see if that helps. I cannot get in to the chiropodist for a month which does not really help me at present time. My mind is looking forward to the break as well. I have noticed that it has been racing a fair amount over the last week. I need to really watch this and take some time to slow things down.
I do not have too many pressing issues to write about today. I am feeling much better than last Sunday and look to have a positive day today. The sun is out now and the cool fall air is calling my name. Time to take my boy for a nice walk.
Happy Sunday. Take care, Shawn.
When you here some funky music during the day, take some time to bust a little move. Guaranteed to make you smile.
Thursday, 20 September 2012
Hallelujah
I was just watching the X Factor and probably heard the most distinctive rendition of Leonard Cohen's song, Hallelujah. It was a beautiful vocal and I had tingles running through my body. The man who sang it was a single father and is the same age as me. His son had never heard him sing before and he came running on to the stage after. It was quite a touching moment.
I realize that reality shows have taken over the television landscape over the last ten years. I have mixed feelings about how much they are intertwined in to our pop culture. There is a lot of crap spanning the scope of our viewing experience and I choose to pass on the Jersey Shores of the world. The wonderful thing about shows such as X Factor, The Voice and American Idol is that it gives ordinary people the opportunity to do extraordinary things. Sometimes in life, all someone needs is the opportunity to shine through and persevere through whatever struggles they may have endured. As Eminem says in the song Lose Yourself,
" Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted in one moment,
Would you capture it or just let it slip?" Some of these contestants do seize their moment and fills me with joy when I see them fulfill their dreams.
I used to believe that I have let my "one moment" pass me by. I certainly squandered many opportunities to achieve some of the aspirations I used to have growing up. Alcohol definitely played a big role in that, it affected my innate ability to succeed in varying aspects of my life. Well, if tonight proved anything to me, it is never too late to search for that "one moment" in life. If I ever get the opportunity to write for a living, I certainly will not let it go. Maybe just living day by day and trying to be the best person I can be is what I have I have been missing all these years.
I used to be scared of dying. In actuality, that fear probably saved my life. There were so many times when I simply wanted to give up on this world. Part of the reason I did not is that I was worried about my place in the great beyond. I was ashamed of the life I had led and felt their was no good place for me to spend eternity. Now I do not have that same fear as I have evolved as a person. I still aspire to make changes but, I am proud to be who I am now. I fight the good fight and that is all I can ask of myself. I cannot change the past but, I can shape the future in all of its hopes and dreams.
I realize the last paragraph was a bit of an odd one to throw in there but, I just felt the need to get it down.
Anyway, I will end on that note. One more day till the weekend and some relaxation time.
Hope this finds you well. Take care, Shawn.
Believe in your ability to rise above any situation.
I realize that reality shows have taken over the television landscape over the last ten years. I have mixed feelings about how much they are intertwined in to our pop culture. There is a lot of crap spanning the scope of our viewing experience and I choose to pass on the Jersey Shores of the world. The wonderful thing about shows such as X Factor, The Voice and American Idol is that it gives ordinary people the opportunity to do extraordinary things. Sometimes in life, all someone needs is the opportunity to shine through and persevere through whatever struggles they may have endured. As Eminem says in the song Lose Yourself,
" Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted in one moment,
Would you capture it or just let it slip?" Some of these contestants do seize their moment and fills me with joy when I see them fulfill their dreams.
I used to believe that I have let my "one moment" pass me by. I certainly squandered many opportunities to achieve some of the aspirations I used to have growing up. Alcohol definitely played a big role in that, it affected my innate ability to succeed in varying aspects of my life. Well, if tonight proved anything to me, it is never too late to search for that "one moment" in life. If I ever get the opportunity to write for a living, I certainly will not let it go. Maybe just living day by day and trying to be the best person I can be is what I have I have been missing all these years.
I used to be scared of dying. In actuality, that fear probably saved my life. There were so many times when I simply wanted to give up on this world. Part of the reason I did not is that I was worried about my place in the great beyond. I was ashamed of the life I had led and felt their was no good place for me to spend eternity. Now I do not have that same fear as I have evolved as a person. I still aspire to make changes but, I am proud to be who I am now. I fight the good fight and that is all I can ask of myself. I cannot change the past but, I can shape the future in all of its hopes and dreams.
I realize the last paragraph was a bit of an odd one to throw in there but, I just felt the need to get it down.
Anyway, I will end on that note. One more day till the weekend and some relaxation time.
Hope this finds you well. Take care, Shawn.
Believe in your ability to rise above any situation.
Tuesday, 18 September 2012
This too passed
Well, yesterday worked out much better than I expected. As the past has proven to me, it was never as bad as I imagined it to be. I was able to focus on small sections of the day and not think too much about what may or may not transpire. I worked like an animal on the aerator. I aerated five big properties, my right hand and wrist were feeling it at the end of the day. I could have switched with someone but, I really wanted just to be by myself and focus on the job at hand. There is something therapeutic about working by myself, I find it much easier to block out negative energy. Only two and half more months left and then some well deserved time off. Cannot wait to spend some quality time with Jodi and Ollie.
We had a interesting experience on Saturday at Tim Hortons in Milton. Jodi and I went down in the morning to watch Elias in the Tri Tri event at a local high school. It was amazing to see the depth of the participation and how smoothly everything ran. Elias did amazing and we had a blast cheering him on. We went to Tim's afterwards to have breakfast and coffee with the Chapman's. The store was crazy busy. The lady running our till was friendly enough but, that was the extent of the positive experience. Firstly, we had to wipe down our own tables as the store was filthy dirty. We had to wait twenty minutes for our food order. The bagel belt and breakfast sandwiches tasted horrible. The hash browns were ice cold. I took them back for new ones only to have them simply put them through the heaters. And to top it all off, Jodi found a hair in her cup. Good times for sure. I feel badly for the employees as the store itself is not big enough to handle the volume of patrons that walk through the doors. There is a systematic failure in the way it is run and we will not be going back there any time soon.
I have started to adjust my mind set in varying situations to help me succeed. Often times, I get frustrated when I have a distinct idea of how things should unfold and I get frustrated immensely when they do not unfold the way I imagined them. I am starting to project varying outcomes for different situations in my head so that I am not disappointed when things do not go according to the plan. I do get frustrated easily so this seems to be helping me a bit transition better through the course of the day. I also have started to embrace the shit which may sound funny. It relates to a constant issue I was having at work. I was always stepping in dog shit at some of the properties we work on. It really pissed me off and my mood would get affected. Then, I started embracing the fact that there was a good chance I may step in some during the week. Once I just accepted this fact, I have not worried about it as much. I am going to attempt to apply that notion to every day life, embrace the inevitable shit that happens. There is nothing I can do about it other than accept the fact that it happens and move forward with a better mind set.
I am looking forward to catching up on some baseball tonight. Their are a few play off races that have my eye on and am really looking forward to the A's and Tigers tonight. I have managed to catch up on some sleep today so I might even make the seventh inning.
Hope the rest of your week is filled with great promise. Take care, Shawn.
Positivity will take you further in life than negativity.
We had a interesting experience on Saturday at Tim Hortons in Milton. Jodi and I went down in the morning to watch Elias in the Tri Tri event at a local high school. It was amazing to see the depth of the participation and how smoothly everything ran. Elias did amazing and we had a blast cheering him on. We went to Tim's afterwards to have breakfast and coffee with the Chapman's. The store was crazy busy. The lady running our till was friendly enough but, that was the extent of the positive experience. Firstly, we had to wipe down our own tables as the store was filthy dirty. We had to wait twenty minutes for our food order. The bagel belt and breakfast sandwiches tasted horrible. The hash browns were ice cold. I took them back for new ones only to have them simply put them through the heaters. And to top it all off, Jodi found a hair in her cup. Good times for sure. I feel badly for the employees as the store itself is not big enough to handle the volume of patrons that walk through the doors. There is a systematic failure in the way it is run and we will not be going back there any time soon.
I have started to adjust my mind set in varying situations to help me succeed. Often times, I get frustrated when I have a distinct idea of how things should unfold and I get frustrated immensely when they do not unfold the way I imagined them. I am starting to project varying outcomes for different situations in my head so that I am not disappointed when things do not go according to the plan. I do get frustrated easily so this seems to be helping me a bit transition better through the course of the day. I also have started to embrace the shit which may sound funny. It relates to a constant issue I was having at work. I was always stepping in dog shit at some of the properties we work on. It really pissed me off and my mood would get affected. Then, I started embracing the fact that there was a good chance I may step in some during the week. Once I just accepted this fact, I have not worried about it as much. I am going to attempt to apply that notion to every day life, embrace the inevitable shit that happens. There is nothing I can do about it other than accept the fact that it happens and move forward with a better mind set.
I am looking forward to catching up on some baseball tonight. Their are a few play off races that have my eye on and am really looking forward to the A's and Tigers tonight. I have managed to catch up on some sleep today so I might even make the seventh inning.
Hope the rest of your week is filled with great promise. Take care, Shawn.
Positivity will take you further in life than negativity.
Sunday, 16 September 2012
Nervous Energy
I am up watching Sunday night football. It is a good game so far, the Niners look pretty solid moving forward this season.
I would normally be in bed at this point as I have to get up for work at 06:00 but, I just do not feel like it at this point. I am really nervous about work tomorrow and my mind is restless. Things did not go as smoothly as I would have liked on Friday so I am quite anxious about how tomorrow will unfold. I always plan for the worst case scenario in my head which is not an effective tool in planning for a positive day. As history has shown me, things never are as bad as I make them out to be. I realize that but, still have difficulty in processing that fact prior to facing the day ahead. I seem to make plans to have a really shitty day before it has even started. Hopefully I will be able to just focus on small aspects of the day. Getting up for work. Having a coffee. Making a lunch. Driving to work. Sitting down for morning meeting and so forth. If I can do this, maybe it will help me realize that there is really nothing to fret about.
That is all I really wanted to write about tonight. I already feel better and think I should make my way upstairs to get some sleep. I also wanted to thank everyone who has taken the time to read my blog, it means a lot to me. Hope it has shed some light on some of the struggles mental health can pose to individuals.
Have a great week. Take care, Shawn.
Keep pushing yourself on a daily basis.
shawnadams90@bell.net
I would normally be in bed at this point as I have to get up for work at 06:00 but, I just do not feel like it at this point. I am really nervous about work tomorrow and my mind is restless. Things did not go as smoothly as I would have liked on Friday so I am quite anxious about how tomorrow will unfold. I always plan for the worst case scenario in my head which is not an effective tool in planning for a positive day. As history has shown me, things never are as bad as I make them out to be. I realize that but, still have difficulty in processing that fact prior to facing the day ahead. I seem to make plans to have a really shitty day before it has even started. Hopefully I will be able to just focus on small aspects of the day. Getting up for work. Having a coffee. Making a lunch. Driving to work. Sitting down for morning meeting and so forth. If I can do this, maybe it will help me realize that there is really nothing to fret about.
That is all I really wanted to write about tonight. I already feel better and think I should make my way upstairs to get some sleep. I also wanted to thank everyone who has taken the time to read my blog, it means a lot to me. Hope it has shed some light on some of the struggles mental health can pose to individuals.
Have a great week. Take care, Shawn.
Keep pushing yourself on a daily basis.
shawnadams90@bell.net
Thursday, 13 September 2012
The Night Sky
Well, it is 5:00 am and I have been up since 3:30. I have had some issues with sleeping through the night the last few days which has been a bit challenging. I tried to got back to sleep but, then Ollie was barking because he had to go out for a pee.
When I walked outside to take Ollie for a walk, I witnessed the most amazing display of stars spanning the night sky. There was one particular star that was shining bright and I knew Amaya was there, watching over me. This gives me a great sense of comfort and I look for her every day in the sky above.
I figure that if Bart, Leslie and Elias can push through what they have experienced, I can certainly deal with a little sleep deprivation. Besides, if I am going to be a professional writer one day, I have to get used to erratic hours of work
My boss told me that it is good to hold on to your dreams to keep you going in life. My dream is to write for a living so hopefully writing this blog may help me to achieve that goal. I would love nothing more than to sit at this lap top and fill the pages with varying perspectives on the world around us.
I am happy to report that I started my fantasy football season with a victory. This week will be a little tougher but, was nice to get off to a good start. I really need to mix in some other activities on Sunday afternoons. I cannot sit like a lump watching football and miss out of this beautiful fall weather. Maybe I will finish the book by Donald Miller that my brother gave me this Sunday.
I have some news from our family to pass along. As it turns out, my father had a 99 per cent blockage of his main left artery. He was at a follow up appointment at St Mary's in Kitchener yesterday when they discovered the blockage. The doctor informed my parents that he was very lucky to be alive. He was on the verge of a major heart attack that he probably would not have survived. It frightens me to think that the walk I took with him on Monday may have been the last time I saw him. They were able to remove the blockage and he is in hospital recovering as I write this. I am looking forward to seeing him soon and giving him a big hug.
The settings of the page I am writing on have just changed so I can barely see what I am writing now so I will finish my blog for today.
I hope you are having a great week. Take care, Shawn.
Cherish the people around you as you never know how life will unfold.
When I walked outside to take Ollie for a walk, I witnessed the most amazing display of stars spanning the night sky. There was one particular star that was shining bright and I knew Amaya was there, watching over me. This gives me a great sense of comfort and I look for her every day in the sky above.
I figure that if Bart, Leslie and Elias can push through what they have experienced, I can certainly deal with a little sleep deprivation. Besides, if I am going to be a professional writer one day, I have to get used to erratic hours of work
My boss told me that it is good to hold on to your dreams to keep you going in life. My dream is to write for a living so hopefully writing this blog may help me to achieve that goal. I would love nothing more than to sit at this lap top and fill the pages with varying perspectives on the world around us.
I am happy to report that I started my fantasy football season with a victory. This week will be a little tougher but, was nice to get off to a good start. I really need to mix in some other activities on Sunday afternoons. I cannot sit like a lump watching football and miss out of this beautiful fall weather. Maybe I will finish the book by Donald Miller that my brother gave me this Sunday.
I have some news from our family to pass along. As it turns out, my father had a 99 per cent blockage of his main left artery. He was at a follow up appointment at St Mary's in Kitchener yesterday when they discovered the blockage. The doctor informed my parents that he was very lucky to be alive. He was on the verge of a major heart attack that he probably would not have survived. It frightens me to think that the walk I took with him on Monday may have been the last time I saw him. They were able to remove the blockage and he is in hospital recovering as I write this. I am looking forward to seeing him soon and giving him a big hug.
The settings of the page I am writing on have just changed so I can barely see what I am writing now so I will finish my blog for today.
I hope you are having a great week. Take care, Shawn.
Cherish the people around you as you never know how life will unfold.
Sunday, 9 September 2012
Golden Boy
I would like to congratulate Patrick Anderson and the Canadian Para Olympic Basketball team for capturing the gold medal yesterday in London. Jodi and I watched the game online and were treated to a hard fought battle with the Aussies. Anderson put the team on his back and played like a man possessed. He is the best wheelchair basketball player in the world and proved it beyond a doubt in this tournament.
My brother Ryan has been good friends with Pat since elementary school. Pat lost his legs when he was hit by a drunk driver at a young age. He has proven to be a great ambassador for the game of wheel chair basketball and the para Olympic movement in general. As long as I have know him, he has never once demonstrated any form of self pity. He has shown amazing courage, strength and determination. He has never let his disability define him as a person and I am proud to know him. I am also thankful that Ryan has such a dedicated friend in his life. They have remained close for the last twenty years and their friendship continues to grow as they transition in to new phases of their lives.
Today is filled with great anticipation for the start of a new NFL season. My fantasy football team is raring to go in the week one match up and beginning the year with a win. The first games of the season always provide some interesting drama and story lines. I do not not follow one particular team but, am partial to the Buffalo Bills. I still remember their four super bowl appearances and watched in agony as they found a way to lose each one. They were a fun team to watch though and I will be pulling for Ryan Fitzpatrick to put the Bills back on the map this season.
It is a beautiful autumn day here and I was grateful for the crisp air as I walked Ollie this morning. I know summer is not officially over but, it sure feels like fall. It is easy to take nature fore granted on days like this but, I try to take the time to soak it in.
Have a happy Sunday. Take care, Shawn.
Appreciate the small wonders in life.
My brother Ryan has been good friends with Pat since elementary school. Pat lost his legs when he was hit by a drunk driver at a young age. He has proven to be a great ambassador for the game of wheel chair basketball and the para Olympic movement in general. As long as I have know him, he has never once demonstrated any form of self pity. He has shown amazing courage, strength and determination. He has never let his disability define him as a person and I am proud to know him. I am also thankful that Ryan has such a dedicated friend in his life. They have remained close for the last twenty years and their friendship continues to grow as they transition in to new phases of their lives.
Today is filled with great anticipation for the start of a new NFL season. My fantasy football team is raring to go in the week one match up and beginning the year with a win. The first games of the season always provide some interesting drama and story lines. I do not not follow one particular team but, am partial to the Buffalo Bills. I still remember their four super bowl appearances and watched in agony as they found a way to lose each one. They were a fun team to watch though and I will be pulling for Ryan Fitzpatrick to put the Bills back on the map this season.
It is a beautiful autumn day here and I was grateful for the crisp air as I walked Ollie this morning. I know summer is not officially over but, it sure feels like fall. It is easy to take nature fore granted on days like this but, I try to take the time to soak it in.
Have a happy Sunday. Take care, Shawn.
Appreciate the small wonders in life.
Saturday, 8 September 2012
Relaxing in the Rain
It is a quiet morning at home today. The rain is coming down steadily and brings with it a sense of calm. When I lived on Vancouver Island, the rain often got me down. Now I have a great appreciation for the life it instills in the natural landscapes that surround us.
I was supposed to play in a beach volleyball tournament this afternoon but, that may be postponed to a later date. I was looking forward to playing some twos and seeing if Tom and I could take down the title. If it is cancelled, there is a full slate of NCAA football on and some CFL action. I wouldn't mind catching up on some pigskin action so it won't be a complete loss if we don't play. I am eagerly awaiting the start of the NFL season tomorrow. The first week always produces some surprises and intriguing story lines.
Jodi is heading to school to do some work on her class room. Anyone who thinks teachers just work from 8:30 to 3:30 is dead wrong. Jodi was up till midnight last night working on school stuff on the lap top. She also spent two weeks in August up at the school preparing for this year. She is always working on creative ideas for her lesson plans at various points of the week. The Liberals may have dictated the teachers contract but, that does not mean teachers will stop providing quality education for their students.
I believe McGuinty and his government may have paid the price for their hard line politics with the teachers as they lost the bi-election in Kitchener-Waterloo and will thankfully not have a majority government. I am not sure who I will vote for in the next election but, I am certain that it will not be for the Liberals. Their fiscal irresponsibility has put us in this deficit and we find ourselves looking for answers to our economic status. Perhaps the Liberals should not have put billions of dollars in to full day kindergarten to get votes when their has been no proven long term benefits of the program. Perhaps if they had not wasted millions of dollars on the e-health scandal, Ornge scandal, cancelling the Mississauga project and the OLG scandal, we would be in a better position as a province. My biggest problem with politics is that there is no accountability for poor decision making. Politicians never stand up and admit they made a mistake and take responsibility. It seems they are only interested in personal agendas and votes, not the well being of the constituents they represent. Now I know this is a general observation but, I would love for someone at Queens Park to prove me wrong. It is not fair that the onus always appears to be on the tax payers to bail the government out for its irrational decisions.
I only have three more months of work left till I get some time off. I am not sure what my plans are for the winter yet but, I am looking forward to spending some quality time with Ollie and catching up on some reading. Fall is right around the corner and it is my favorite time of year. I love the changing of the leaves, the brisk air and the season of Thanksgiving.
Have an amazing weekend. Take care, Shawn.
Feed your mind positive energy.
I was supposed to play in a beach volleyball tournament this afternoon but, that may be postponed to a later date. I was looking forward to playing some twos and seeing if Tom and I could take down the title. If it is cancelled, there is a full slate of NCAA football on and some CFL action. I wouldn't mind catching up on some pigskin action so it won't be a complete loss if we don't play. I am eagerly awaiting the start of the NFL season tomorrow. The first week always produces some surprises and intriguing story lines.
Jodi is heading to school to do some work on her class room. Anyone who thinks teachers just work from 8:30 to 3:30 is dead wrong. Jodi was up till midnight last night working on school stuff on the lap top. She also spent two weeks in August up at the school preparing for this year. She is always working on creative ideas for her lesson plans at various points of the week. The Liberals may have dictated the teachers contract but, that does not mean teachers will stop providing quality education for their students.
I believe McGuinty and his government may have paid the price for their hard line politics with the teachers as they lost the bi-election in Kitchener-Waterloo and will thankfully not have a majority government. I am not sure who I will vote for in the next election but, I am certain that it will not be for the Liberals. Their fiscal irresponsibility has put us in this deficit and we find ourselves looking for answers to our economic status. Perhaps the Liberals should not have put billions of dollars in to full day kindergarten to get votes when their has been no proven long term benefits of the program. Perhaps if they had not wasted millions of dollars on the e-health scandal, Ornge scandal, cancelling the Mississauga project and the OLG scandal, we would be in a better position as a province. My biggest problem with politics is that there is no accountability for poor decision making. Politicians never stand up and admit they made a mistake and take responsibility. It seems they are only interested in personal agendas and votes, not the well being of the constituents they represent. Now I know this is a general observation but, I would love for someone at Queens Park to prove me wrong. It is not fair that the onus always appears to be on the tax payers to bail the government out for its irrational decisions.
I only have three more months of work left till I get some time off. I am not sure what my plans are for the winter yet but, I am looking forward to spending some quality time with Ollie and catching up on some reading. Fall is right around the corner and it is my favorite time of year. I love the changing of the leaves, the brisk air and the season of Thanksgiving.
Have an amazing weekend. Take care, Shawn.
Feed your mind positive energy.
Sunday, 2 September 2012
The Downzies
Jodi and I have termed my mild bouts of depression as the downzies. It is just a simple term to express how I am feeling without saying too much. I had a bout of them last night. It was nothing in particular that had me down, just a combination of few things. I think part of it was that I was off work on Friday for my MRI and that messed up my routine a bit. As much as I enjoy having the occasional day off, work is part of a weekly structure that keeps me balanced. I had no choice though as I had no control of when my MRI was booked. I am also a little worried about what the results of the MRI might show. I am sure it will not turn up anything drastic but, it still weighs on my mind right now. I have a dear friend who is struggling immensely these days and am scared of where his mind may take him. Ultimately, I have no control over events that may or may not happen but, he means the world to me and just want his mind to be at peace.
So those are a few of the issues that may have contributed to my "downzies" last night. Jodi is a constant reminder to me that I have to push through them. She does not take it easy on me when I experience them but, usually gives me a good kick in the ass. Driving me to fight through them and do something proactive about my state of mind.
I want to explain a little bit about how the depression impacts me. It almost feels like crashing after too many coffees or a long day at work. I start believing the "loser" chants inside my mind. I cannot tell you how many times I have called myself a loser internally. Believing that I amount to nothing and will only fuck up the good things I have going on in my life. The self doubt creeps in, telling me that although I may be stable now, chances are I will just fall down the mountain again. I think about life as a long haul, instead of realizing that I only have to focus on small amounts of time. Telling myself that there is no way I can make it through another forty years of fighting for happiness on a daily basis. Then there is the immensely popular suicidal thoughts. My mind telling me that jumping off of a bridge or driving off the road is simply the best option. Basically pushing me to give up on life. I want to stress that these thoughts are never truly what I want to do, just explaining about the process of my depressive episodes. I do not ever want to give up on life but, those thoughts become very powerful at times. I do not have suicidal thoughts permeate my mind as often anymore but, they do come nonetheless. I have literally thought about ending my life thousands of times over my life. It used to be a daily struggle but, those idealizations come further a part now which I am thankful for. It is not too pleasant to think like that and it scares me to no end when they come. I do not want to be a statistic and have my friends and family to thank for getting me this far in my journey.
That was a little taste of where the depressive aspect of my bi-polar takes me. I also want to touch on the racing or cycling of thoughts in my mind. I have an easier time with it now but, it is a frustrating endeavor. I am not sure quite how to explain it really. If my mind starts to race, it is like watching a slide show at a mile a minute. Countless number of images/thoughts crossing my mind at lightning speed. And they are usually not images of the sun rising or a beautiful garden. They cycle through a lot of negative bull shit. Any mistakes I have made, any poor decisions from my past, any bad thoughts you could think of running through my head like a freight train. I take medication at night to slow my thoughts down so I can get a good sleep. The meds have been a god send as I used to have a hell of a time sleeping as my mind would simply not let me rest. The tricky part is when it happens during the day. I have a better time slowing my thought process down now but, it is still a struggle on a smaller scale. I find taking deep, long breaths to be therapeutic.
I know my blog was perhaps a bit heavy today but, it is important to express some of those struggles. There is no point of simply writing about daily life without letting people in to the complexity of my mind. It helps me to write about it and maybe it will aide people who may come across in understanding what someone close to them may be dealing with. I also want to stress that I am not writing this for anyone to feel sorry for me or pity me for what I deal with. I have bi-polar but, have not regrets as it has helped shaped the person I have come to be. I have never once use it as an excuse for any past faults or decisions. It is part of who I am and I write this blog to shed some light on mental health and show that we can break down barriers and it is possible to heal over time.
There is still an unfortunate stigma regarding mental health in our society. This is because it is not visible to the casual observer. When a person is in a wheel chair, it is quite apparent that something is structurally not right in their body. When a person with a cane and a dog comes walking down the street, we can assume their vision is compromised. Mental health in all its variations is not always visible. Only those who are impacted by it directly have some insight in to its grip on an individuals life. Society has trouble accepting things they cannot see, no direct evidence of an ailment. Just know that mental illness is real and it does not mean someone is weak minded. The more discussions we start regarding mental health, the better chance we have of breaking the misconceptions out there.
I feel better already after writing this today. I trust you are having a good Sunday. Stay true to yourself and never stop fighting for your happiness.
Take care, Shawn.
Acceptance is understanding.
So those are a few of the issues that may have contributed to my "downzies" last night. Jodi is a constant reminder to me that I have to push through them. She does not take it easy on me when I experience them but, usually gives me a good kick in the ass. Driving me to fight through them and do something proactive about my state of mind.
I want to explain a little bit about how the depression impacts me. It almost feels like crashing after too many coffees or a long day at work. I start believing the "loser" chants inside my mind. I cannot tell you how many times I have called myself a loser internally. Believing that I amount to nothing and will only fuck up the good things I have going on in my life. The self doubt creeps in, telling me that although I may be stable now, chances are I will just fall down the mountain again. I think about life as a long haul, instead of realizing that I only have to focus on small amounts of time. Telling myself that there is no way I can make it through another forty years of fighting for happiness on a daily basis. Then there is the immensely popular suicidal thoughts. My mind telling me that jumping off of a bridge or driving off the road is simply the best option. Basically pushing me to give up on life. I want to stress that these thoughts are never truly what I want to do, just explaining about the process of my depressive episodes. I do not ever want to give up on life but, those thoughts become very powerful at times. I do not have suicidal thoughts permeate my mind as often anymore but, they do come nonetheless. I have literally thought about ending my life thousands of times over my life. It used to be a daily struggle but, those idealizations come further a part now which I am thankful for. It is not too pleasant to think like that and it scares me to no end when they come. I do not want to be a statistic and have my friends and family to thank for getting me this far in my journey.
That was a little taste of where the depressive aspect of my bi-polar takes me. I also want to touch on the racing or cycling of thoughts in my mind. I have an easier time with it now but, it is a frustrating endeavor. I am not sure quite how to explain it really. If my mind starts to race, it is like watching a slide show at a mile a minute. Countless number of images/thoughts crossing my mind at lightning speed. And they are usually not images of the sun rising or a beautiful garden. They cycle through a lot of negative bull shit. Any mistakes I have made, any poor decisions from my past, any bad thoughts you could think of running through my head like a freight train. I take medication at night to slow my thoughts down so I can get a good sleep. The meds have been a god send as I used to have a hell of a time sleeping as my mind would simply not let me rest. The tricky part is when it happens during the day. I have a better time slowing my thought process down now but, it is still a struggle on a smaller scale. I find taking deep, long breaths to be therapeutic.
I know my blog was perhaps a bit heavy today but, it is important to express some of those struggles. There is no point of simply writing about daily life without letting people in to the complexity of my mind. It helps me to write about it and maybe it will aide people who may come across in understanding what someone close to them may be dealing with. I also want to stress that I am not writing this for anyone to feel sorry for me or pity me for what I deal with. I have bi-polar but, have not regrets as it has helped shaped the person I have come to be. I have never once use it as an excuse for any past faults or decisions. It is part of who I am and I write this blog to shed some light on mental health and show that we can break down barriers and it is possible to heal over time.
There is still an unfortunate stigma regarding mental health in our society. This is because it is not visible to the casual observer. When a person is in a wheel chair, it is quite apparent that something is structurally not right in their body. When a person with a cane and a dog comes walking down the street, we can assume their vision is compromised. Mental health in all its variations is not always visible. Only those who are impacted by it directly have some insight in to its grip on an individuals life. Society has trouble accepting things they cannot see, no direct evidence of an ailment. Just know that mental illness is real and it does not mean someone is weak minded. The more discussions we start regarding mental health, the better chance we have of breaking the misconceptions out there.
I feel better already after writing this today. I trust you are having a good Sunday. Stay true to yourself and never stop fighting for your happiness.
Take care, Shawn.
Acceptance is understanding.
Saturday, 1 September 2012
GREED
The unfortunate truth about our world is that it runs on the principles of greed. Greed for money. Greed for power. Greed for possessions. Greed for religion. It frustrates me to no end that this is the basis of our civilization. One may disagree with this statement but, to me, there is no question of its grip on humanity.
Jodi and I were watching a show on HGTV last night. It chronicled the story of how Spelling Manor was built and the lengths his wife (Candy Spelling) went to in order to make every detail perfect. Traveling the globe to find specific items to go with motif of the home. The show then moved on to her having to sell the Manor so she could move on with her life and start fresh in a penthouse suite. She got her asking price of $150 000 000. That is correct, a hundred and fifty million dollars for a house.
The only stipulation from the buyer was that Candy was completely moved out of the property in a month. The next twenty minutes of the show chronicled the itemizing, packaging and moving of all her belongings. Her doll collection was probably worth more than I will make in a life time. They almost attempted to make us feel sorry for her and all her efforts to move such a magnitude of lavish crap in a month. It kind of made me sick to my stomach. The fact that this journey was even a program on television, boggles my mind. What is worse is that, I sat there watching it like a dumb ass. All I could think of after is all the struggling people she could help with the proceeds of that sale. I have no way of knowing what Candy Spelling does in terms of giving to causes but, who needs a 150 million dollars. Her net worth is approximately 600 million dollars. Imagine the good that could be done with that type of wealth.
I want to clarify that I have nothing against Candy Spelling personally. How she came across her fortune and what she does with it is her business. I just used it as an example of what my blog is trying to assert in its essence as I just viewed the program last night.
It is said that 1% of the population controls the world wealth. That in itself scares me. How are we supposed to progress as a society with that economic structure? It will not change though. Individuals, Groups and Political Leaders are too damn greedy. Why do you think AIDS is still around? It has been showed in studies that we have the capability to abolish the disease worldwide. We have the technology and the medicine to take on such a huge endeavor. That would mean however, that the billion dollar profits of pharmaceutical companies would significantly diminish. How would they make money if a disease was cured? The greed factor again. Why fix a problem when you can prolong it and make a shit load of money from it?
I watched on the sports programs this morning that Floyd Mayweather (boxer) is wagering
$ 3 000 000 on the Michigan Wolverines to cover the 13.5 point spread tonight. It showed him on his plane, throwing down stacks of money on a table in preparation for his big bets. That kind of self indulgence is almost comical. How is someone in the southern states supposed to feel when they see that? They are without homes, cars, jobs, food and belongings and this guy is flaunting his wealth on national television. Just think how much supplies, shelter and comfort that 3 million could provide.
These are just a few examples of greed in our society. I would be writing all night if I mentioned all of them.
I am guilty of greed in my own life at times. Thinking of what I do not have and things that I want. There is nothing wrong with wanting to build a better life, I just have to remember the wonderful people that surround us and how fortunate we are. We struggle sometimes but, really have so much to be grateful for. Sometimes simple things are the ones that bring us the most joy. All I have to do is turn on the news and realize that there are so many people in our world that need help. I am just trying to say that if that 1% realizes just how much impact they could have on the 99%, we could start moving in a more positive direction. I want my nephews to grow up in a world where we can slowly start putting others first and realize that giving of ourselves is the greatest gift of all.
Hope your having a great Labour Day weekend.
Take care, Shawn.
Get up to watch the sunrise, its brilliance will amaze you.
Jodi and I were watching a show on HGTV last night. It chronicled the story of how Spelling Manor was built and the lengths his wife (Candy Spelling) went to in order to make every detail perfect. Traveling the globe to find specific items to go with motif of the home. The show then moved on to her having to sell the Manor so she could move on with her life and start fresh in a penthouse suite. She got her asking price of $150 000 000. That is correct, a hundred and fifty million dollars for a house.
The only stipulation from the buyer was that Candy was completely moved out of the property in a month. The next twenty minutes of the show chronicled the itemizing, packaging and moving of all her belongings. Her doll collection was probably worth more than I will make in a life time. They almost attempted to make us feel sorry for her and all her efforts to move such a magnitude of lavish crap in a month. It kind of made me sick to my stomach. The fact that this journey was even a program on television, boggles my mind. What is worse is that, I sat there watching it like a dumb ass. All I could think of after is all the struggling people she could help with the proceeds of that sale. I have no way of knowing what Candy Spelling does in terms of giving to causes but, who needs a 150 million dollars. Her net worth is approximately 600 million dollars. Imagine the good that could be done with that type of wealth.
I want to clarify that I have nothing against Candy Spelling personally. How she came across her fortune and what she does with it is her business. I just used it as an example of what my blog is trying to assert in its essence as I just viewed the program last night.
It is said that 1% of the population controls the world wealth. That in itself scares me. How are we supposed to progress as a society with that economic structure? It will not change though. Individuals, Groups and Political Leaders are too damn greedy. Why do you think AIDS is still around? It has been showed in studies that we have the capability to abolish the disease worldwide. We have the technology and the medicine to take on such a huge endeavor. That would mean however, that the billion dollar profits of pharmaceutical companies would significantly diminish. How would they make money if a disease was cured? The greed factor again. Why fix a problem when you can prolong it and make a shit load of money from it?
I watched on the sports programs this morning that Floyd Mayweather (boxer) is wagering
$ 3 000 000 on the Michigan Wolverines to cover the 13.5 point spread tonight. It showed him on his plane, throwing down stacks of money on a table in preparation for his big bets. That kind of self indulgence is almost comical. How is someone in the southern states supposed to feel when they see that? They are without homes, cars, jobs, food and belongings and this guy is flaunting his wealth on national television. Just think how much supplies, shelter and comfort that 3 million could provide.
These are just a few examples of greed in our society. I would be writing all night if I mentioned all of them.
I am guilty of greed in my own life at times. Thinking of what I do not have and things that I want. There is nothing wrong with wanting to build a better life, I just have to remember the wonderful people that surround us and how fortunate we are. We struggle sometimes but, really have so much to be grateful for. Sometimes simple things are the ones that bring us the most joy. All I have to do is turn on the news and realize that there are so many people in our world that need help. I am just trying to say that if that 1% realizes just how much impact they could have on the 99%, we could start moving in a more positive direction. I want my nephews to grow up in a world where we can slowly start putting others first and realize that giving of ourselves is the greatest gift of all.
Hope your having a great Labour Day weekend.
Take care, Shawn.
Get up to watch the sunrise, its brilliance will amaze you.
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