Let it Snow, Let it Snow

I have been done work for a week now and am enjoying some relaxing time with Ollie.  I have been disappointed in myself for some of my decision making processes over the last week but,  I refuse to stop pressing forward.  I have come too far to let a bad week derail my ultimate aspirations in life.

I am eagerly awaiting some big snow falls so I can start plowing.  I applied for EI yesterday but, that will not kick in for 3-4 weeks depending on their back log of applications.  I have been thinking recently of starting my own snow business here in Fergus.  I have shovels and a great work ethic so there is no reason I could not succeed in that endeavor.  I just have to be willing to take a chance and put in the effort to make it happen.  There is so much opportunity right at my fingertips and it would certainly save me the long drive to the air port.

I have always wanted to start my own business but, lacked the ambition to actually follow through on it.  At some point in my life,  I have to take a leap of faith and just go for it.  My ultimate goal would be to write for a living but,  perhaps that will happen down the road.  There is a job center here in Town that could help me with connecting with the right people to start my own business.  I know there are grants out there to help start up companies.  I have to come up with a solid business plan and figure out the costs of getting things rolling.  I have a pretty good idea of who my initial client base would be.  I would start with cutting small lawns that I would simply need a push mow and a trimmer.  I would also offer summer pruning as that is something I really excel at.  I have enough contacts around town and now have the landscaping knowledge to feel comfortable offering a professional service.  It is good to start thinking about it,  now I just have to make it happen.

I wanted to take this time to thank all of the people in my life who have supported me.  I am not going to mention everyone but, they know who they are.  I just realized today that although I may have struggles mentally,  I am pretty fortunate to be where I am today.  Special thank you to my wife Jodi and my dog Ollie who have been instrumental in my successes in the last few years.

There is so much doom and gloom in the world today.  Just watch the news and you will see what I mean.  There is war, political unrest, crime, injustices, greed and corruption.  And then families have to deal with debt,  working two jobs, putting food on the table and making sure their loved ones are provided for.  It is easy to get down and lose hope of any positive outcome for the future.  I get caught up in that way of thinking sometimes.  You stop caring as their seems like their is no end to the constant struggles of our society, so why bother trying.  When I start thinking like that,  I just have to stop and think about the small wonders of life.  There is certainly problems on a larger scale in our world but,  I cannot control much of that.  There is so much around me that I fail to take in on a daily basis.  The rising sun, the sun set, the squirrels that run amok in our backyard, the ever changing clouds on the horizon and the wonderful white stuff that we have been fortunate to have a little bit of thus far.  Amidst the chaos,  there is so many beautiful aspects of life that we fail to see.  I need to do a mind check to remind myself of the joys in my life and be thankful for them.

Felt really good to write in my blog again today,  I feel a sense of joy when I write as I am able to unload some of the thoughts drifting around in my mind.  You will be happy to know that I have had over a thousand page views so my writing cannot be too bad.

Enjoy the rest of your week.  Take care,  Shawn.

Open your heart to the joys of life.

Pride

Well,  I have finished the long grind of the landscaping season.  Yesterday was my last day and I am extremely proud of myself for pushing through till the end.  I am so excited to be done and give my body, mind and soul some time to recoup a bit.  I am hoping for some snow soon for plowing but,  I will definitely take some well deserved time to relax.

This was the longest I have worked consecutively without an extended period of time off in my life.  It may not seem like much but, it is an amazing accomplishment on a personal level.  As I have mentioned in an earlier blog,  I have always struggled in work environments and therefore have not had much stability in that regard.  This job had its challenges at times but,  it was something that I felt comfortable in and that I had a lot of success with.  I take a lot of pride in my work ethic and quality of work in landscaping and it showed this year.  When I look back at the scope of work we accomplished this year,  it inspires me.  You would be hard pressed to find a better landscaping crew than Smitty and I am glad I got another chance to work with him again this year.

You may find it curious that I would be so excited to be out of work for the time being.  There is the money factor and not having a steady pay check for a while but,  I do not concern myself with that at this point.  If you had access to a reel of my thoughts piercing through my mind at times over the last eight months,  you would understand my jubilation.  I would say this year was much better as I was able to channel my thoughts a little easier and that helped me when I simply wanted to give up.

Amaya was a big part of my success as well.  Losing her was extremely difficult to comprehend and I still miss her every day.  I often looked up in to the sky and talked to her.  Some nights it would be a star, another it may be a well lit moon but,  I knew she was up there looking out for me.  I will continue to look to her as a constant reminder of what is really important in my daily life.

Hope all is well with you wherever you may be.

Take care, Shawn.

The climb to the top of the mountain may be treacherous but,  the view from the top will always make the journey worthwhile.

The Final Push

I only have about 2-3 weeks left of the landscaping season.  The end of March seems like yesterday and I find it hard to believe I am almost done.  I am really proud of myself this year for sticking it out and putting my heart and soul in to my work.  This is the longest I have worked at one job without an extended period of time off and is a big accomplishment.

I am eagerly anticipating the end though.  I am mentally and physically drained and am looking forward to some down time at home with Jodi and Ollie.  I am planning on plowing at the air port this year but, the pace of life will definitely slow down.  Getting up at 5:30 or 6:00 and getting home at 6:30 or 7:00 wears on you after a while so winter will be a welcome addition to my life.

I have missed reading the last eight months.  That is one thing I am most certain to catch up on in December.  I hope to have a lot more entries in my blog too.  Not certain what I will write about at this point but,  I simply enjoy writing thoughts down.  If someone happens to come across this and enjoys my entries, then all the better.

Mentally I have been doing fairly well.  I have made a conscience effort not to worry so much about shit that really does not matter.  There was a period in the last few months where I spent the whole weekend worrying about Monday.  It was really affecting the enjoyment of spending time with Jodi.  She was getting frustrated with me as I was a bit of a downer.  Then one weekend,  I just stopped worrying.  Monday was not here yet and there was no need to fret over what may or may not happen on that day.  There was no sense in my logic so I made some adjustments.  The last month I have really enjoyed my two days off and haven't gave too much thought to the upcoming work week.  I have even done better not spending too much time thinking about the next day.  Tomorrow is not even here yet so why waste my time thinking about it.

All in all,  I do not have too many reasons to be down right now.  I still get frustrated with my thoughts at times but,  I am better suited to cope mentally and find success in daily life.

Hope all is well in your life.

Take care,  Shawn.

Happy Happy Happy, Happy Happy Happy, Happy Happy Happy, Happy Happy Happy, toot,   for Elias!!

Remembering the Brave

Today we remember the brave soldiers that gave their lives to solidify the freedom that we are fortunate to have today.  Our world was shaped by men who were willing to fight tyranny and the evils of the past.  I salute them and am forever grateful for their contribution to our nation.

I think of my grandparents today as they lived through the struggles of World War One and Two.  My grandad was in the service as well as my grandma and grandpa. I loved looking at their medals growing up as child and reflecting on what it may have been like during that time in our history.  I am proud of their contribution and will never forget.

So at 11:11 this morning,  take the time to pause and remember those who sacrificed their lives for the freedom we so often take fore-granted.

In Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
      Between the crosses, row on row,
   That mark our place; and in the sky
   The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
   Loved and were loved, and now we lie
         In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
   The torch; be yours to hold it high.
   If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
         In Flanders fields.

Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae

Three Years Baby!!!!!

I am happy and proud to report that I officially reached three years sober as of yesterday.  I have not had a drink since November 2nd, 2009 which is a great accomplishment on a personal level.  There is no doubt in my mind that I would not be where I am today if I had not made the decision to abstain from alcohol.  Jodi whom I love very much, would probably not be in my life.  I would have lost the connections I have maintained with family and friends.  I would not have found the motivation to get myself back in shape and have dropped sixty pounds.  There is a whole realm of positive outcomes from my decision and it has helped me immensely in regards to my mental health.

The thing about giving up an addiction, bad habit or lifestyle is that it has to come from within.  I was surrounded by people in my life that knew I had an issue with alcohol but,  I was stubborn in believing it was something I could control.  It was not until I woke up one morning in a foggy hungover state and realized there was something I had to change in my life.  I tested the waters for a few years to try and drink "socially" but, it was a losing battle.  I made some poor choices and hurt people around me.  I also drank to cover up the pain inside me.  Alcohol will never hide pain.  It may numb it for a while but,  nothing will have changed when you wake up the next day.  The pain still exists and often ends up being more intense.  The ultimate decision on November 2nd, 2009 was mine alone.  I would not be three years sober if I had not made a personal commitment to give up drinking.  There is something to be said for reaching out to people if it is obvious they are struggling with an addiction but,  success will find them more often than not if they can come to an epiphany on their own.

I have to thank all those who have supported me and believe in my ability to make changes in my life.  Although I had to make the choice,  it certainly has made a world of difference being surrounded by good people.  I still strive to continue building a positive mind set and challenging myself on a daily basis to stay thankful for where I am today.

Have an amazing weekend.  Happy Saturday.

Take care,  Shawn.

Change is a pillar of personal development.