The Brave Soul

My brother Matt has had a very difficult week.  Last Monday,  he was admitted to St Michael's hospital in Toronto.  He was having difficulty breathing and severe pain in his chest.  They put him in to triage immediately and he ended up in the cardiac care unit.  They believe a viral infection had been in his system for weeks and had spread to the heart, causing fluid to build up around it.  They drained almost a litre of fluid from around his heart.  We saw him Monday night and he was not doing well.  He was having a real tough time breathing and in a lot of pain.  They gave him morphine to help with the pain and he had oxygen tubes in his nose.  He worsened over night and needed an oxygen mask to breathe on Tuesday.  I visited him Tuesday and spent a lot of time wiping his forehead and neck down as he was sweating profusely.  They are still not certain what the root cause of all of his symptoms were but, they are leaning towards a Lupus diagnosis.  He is doing much better now and we even took him for a walk outside yesterday.  He has had all the tubes and lines removed and thankfully no longer needs a catheter.  I realize that at some point in my life I may need to have one but, I am absolutely not looking forward to it judging by the description Matt gave me.

I am so thankful that he has pulled through. He was a brave soul as it was truly touch and go at the beginning of the week. He is fortunate he got to the hospital when he did.  I know there was many thoughts and prayers going his way and I appreciate the support we got from friends and family.  Matt has always been there for me and is a big part of my life.  It hurt to see him in so much anguish and I am relieved that he seems to be heading in the right direction.

It was a long week for everyone and certainly some sleepless nights.  I did manage to catch up on some sleep towards the end of the week.  I took Tuesday off to be with Matt and worked the rest of the week.  We had a half day Wednesday so I was able to go down with Jodi on Wednesday night too.

Work is going alright all things considered.  I have put a lot of pressure on myself and it has affected me at times but, I am trying to push through.  Smitty has come back to help us for a month which has been nice.  I am wondering though how it will affect me when he leaves at some point.  I am just getting used to having him around again and having him there to lean on.  I really do not have much confidence moving in to the rest of the season with two inexperienced crew.  They are both awesome guys but,  have no where near the experience that Smitty has.  I hoping that in some weird twist of fate, that he ends up being with us for the rest of the season.  It is not just that he is a good guy to be around,  it is that we can trust each other when we are on a job.  We do not have to worry about what the other one is doing.  The properties we work on are pretty high end and there is a certain level of quality that is expected.  I really do not know if we can maintain that quality in a reasonable time frame without having Smitty around. I just have to do the best I can do and try not to worry too much about things I do not control. I cannot push myself too hard to make things up or I will ultimately break down mentally and physically.  As someone once told me, sometimes you just have to say fuck it and see what happens.

I was feeling down this morning but, managed to turn it around this afternoon.  We got a chance to visit with Bart, Les and Elias.  I helped with some pruning and yard work.  Jodi got to read a book with Elias and catch up with Les.  I love going to visit them as they are just good people to be around.  Looking forward to seeing them in a few weeks.

That is all for me tonight.  I will try to write a bit more this week.  Ollie is curled up beside me and we are watching some Amazing Race.  Pizza is in the oven for a late dinner.  Heading to bed soon as I start early this week and get up a half hour earlier.

Hope this finds you in good spirits.  Take care,  Shawn.

The path to the top of the mountain may be full of peril but,  the view will be worth every step.