I had a really good week this week. No sign of the downzies. I was able to manage my thoughts in a positive way and did not allow myself to let things affect me as much as last week. It was definitely a busy week but, I tried to just take it one day at a time.
We got a lot accomplished at work this week. It is amazing what you can get done if you are determined and work hard. I was really happy with Devin and the effort he put forth. He has come a long way and is steadily improving.
My back has been bothering me quite a bit of late. I hope to get in to physio again next week and get some adjustments. I just need to get through three more months so hopefully with physio and stretching, I can manage the strain on my back for the stretch run.
It is hard to believe that September is here already. Seems just like yesterday we were cleaning up the mess from last winter. Football season is back on Thursday night with the Packers at the Seahawks. I have my first long weekend off this year and I am really looking forward to some down time. We are going out for breakfast with my parents this morning. They just got back from their trip out west so it will be good to catch up with them.
Hope you have a great weekend. Take care, Shawn.
“The true measure of success is how many times you can bounce back from failure.”
―
Stephen Richards
Saturday, 30 August 2014
Saturday, 23 August 2014
Good Morning
I woke up this morning feeling much better. I had a good sleep and felt really positive about the day ahead. I can relax and enjoy my time with Jodi and Ollie. I do not need to worry about getting through next week as it is not here yet.
I took Ollie for a play at the arena this morning. He had a good run and we bumped in to another dog as we were leaving. Ollie ran right up to me and then waited by the car. He had not interest in interacting with the other dog who was quite friendly. It still bothers me that a few attacks on him at the dog park have deterred him from wanting to approach other dogs. It is unfortunate that some owners take aggressive dogs there and make it difficult for passive dogs like Ollie to trust they are safe. I will never take Ollie back there as he does not know how to defend himself. We are alike in a way. We both have issues standing up for ourselves at times. Maybe that is why we share such a strong bond. I stand up for him and he helps me navigate struggles.
We decided not to go to Toronto to watch beach nationals. The weather is not exactly ideal for a beach day and it turns out that most of the top teams in Canada are playing overseas in an FIVB event. We are not exactly sure what our plans are but, that is fine with me. It is nice to have nothing to do and figure things out as we go. We may end up going to rib fest in Guelph as we have never been. The only issue with that is that Jodi is gluten free now and I am certain there will not be too many gluten free ribs.
My head got rocked by a deck the other day at work. I was push mowing in a back yard at full throttle and did not notice a low lying deck. I walked right in to it and smoked my head. I was knocked to the ground and was spitting out blood for a few minutes. I guess the impact drove my teeth in to the tip of my tongue. I lay down for a minute and then just kept right on push mowing. I had a bit of a headache for a while but, not lingering affects since. Good thing I have such a hard head.
The thing I have to remind myself is that I am good at what I do. Yes I have made some mistakes of late but, I have also done some amazing work. The trouble I seem to have when I have the downzies is that I can only see the mistakes I have made and not all the positive things I do on a weekly basis. I have to slow things down and not put the weight of the world on my shoulders. I can only do so much and have to look at my mistakes as a learning opportunity and not a condemnation of me as a person.
One week left in August and then three months to go. Hard to believe five months of the season are almost done. I am proud of myself for pushing through things amidst challenging circumstances. I do miss Heather a lot and wish she was around right now. Sounds like she will be down our way in the next while so I will get a chance to catch up. Can't wait to get a big hug.
Hope you have a good weekend. Take care, Shawn.
“Since I am suffering with type 2 bipolar disorder mainly on the depressive side of the bipolar disorder.
I am not afraid nor am I disappointed with it; if this is what God Almighty want me to have; I will make sure that I will make good use of this disorder; and, be the best person that I can be.”
― Temitope Owosela
I took Ollie for a play at the arena this morning. He had a good run and we bumped in to another dog as we were leaving. Ollie ran right up to me and then waited by the car. He had not interest in interacting with the other dog who was quite friendly. It still bothers me that a few attacks on him at the dog park have deterred him from wanting to approach other dogs. It is unfortunate that some owners take aggressive dogs there and make it difficult for passive dogs like Ollie to trust they are safe. I will never take Ollie back there as he does not know how to defend himself. We are alike in a way. We both have issues standing up for ourselves at times. Maybe that is why we share such a strong bond. I stand up for him and he helps me navigate struggles.
We decided not to go to Toronto to watch beach nationals. The weather is not exactly ideal for a beach day and it turns out that most of the top teams in Canada are playing overseas in an FIVB event. We are not exactly sure what our plans are but, that is fine with me. It is nice to have nothing to do and figure things out as we go. We may end up going to rib fest in Guelph as we have never been. The only issue with that is that Jodi is gluten free now and I am certain there will not be too many gluten free ribs.
My head got rocked by a deck the other day at work. I was push mowing in a back yard at full throttle and did not notice a low lying deck. I walked right in to it and smoked my head. I was knocked to the ground and was spitting out blood for a few minutes. I guess the impact drove my teeth in to the tip of my tongue. I lay down for a minute and then just kept right on push mowing. I had a bit of a headache for a while but, not lingering affects since. Good thing I have such a hard head.
The thing I have to remind myself is that I am good at what I do. Yes I have made some mistakes of late but, I have also done some amazing work. The trouble I seem to have when I have the downzies is that I can only see the mistakes I have made and not all the positive things I do on a weekly basis. I have to slow things down and not put the weight of the world on my shoulders. I can only do so much and have to look at my mistakes as a learning opportunity and not a condemnation of me as a person.
One week left in August and then three months to go. Hard to believe five months of the season are almost done. I am proud of myself for pushing through things amidst challenging circumstances. I do miss Heather a lot and wish she was around right now. Sounds like she will be down our way in the next while so I will get a chance to catch up. Can't wait to get a big hug.
Hope you have a good weekend. Take care, Shawn.
“Since I am suffering with type 2 bipolar disorder mainly on the depressive side of the bipolar disorder.
I am not afraid nor am I disappointed with it; if this is what God Almighty want me to have; I will make sure that I will make good use of this disorder; and, be the best person that I can be.”
― Temitope Owosela
Friday, 22 August 2014
One Step at a Time
This week has been a tough one for me. The last two days, I have been extremely low. Things have been very stressful for me. I was having spasms on the left side of my chest for a day which I am sure can be attributed to the anxiety I have been feeling. I have experienced some suicidal thoughts for the first time in a long while. I am not sure how I made it through the week but, I did and that counts for something.
We are down another person at work which has been challenging. That and the fact that I am the only one who can drive a truck and trailer. I have definitely been putting a lot of pressure on myself. I have made some mistakes pruning which does not bode well. Just a little disappointed in myself and I always take things too personally. Part of it probably is that I have rushed at times trying to get to the next job. I did not even feel like pruning this afternoon as I was scared I would mess something else up. It still went well though and I am pretty sure I did a good job.
A good friend of mine is going through a very challenging time in his life. I wish there was a way I could help as I can certainly relate to some of what he is going through. I can only be here if he wants to reach out. Miss seeing him too. Has always had such a positive attitude and has been a good friend to me. Just wish he did not have to be going through this right now.
We were hoping to go down to Toronto to watch beach nationals tomorrow. I am not sure if that will work out. Depends on how I am feeling I guess and if I have the energy to make the trip as I have been exhausted. I should force myself to go as I know we will have a great time once we are down there. Volleyball has been a big part of my life and I miss being a part of it. Beach nationals is something that Jodi and I loved to go to in years past so hopefully I can turn my mood around and make the trip down to Ashbridges Bay.
As I have mentioned in a past blog, I often make myself a list of positive things to look forward to when I am feeling really low. Well, tonight there happens to be something. I have my fantasy football draft which is a lot of fun. I also have five years sober to celebrate coming up in November. Football season starts in two weeks. Fall is almost here and it is my favourite time of the year. Thanksgiving will be here soon and we get to host the Praught family for Thanksgiving dinner and four days of family fun. Duane and Erin will be here with Bernie and Karen. Looking forward to hearing about their trip to South America. I should have my DZ license by the new year. So when I stop and think about it, I have lots of reasons to push through the downzies. It certainly is not an enjoyable experience but, I have to fight through it. If I look back at my blogs for the last two years, I would find that I come through many challenges and there is no reason I cannot continue to do so.
Well, I feel much better already after writing. I love writing. I makes me feel alive when I can formulate thoughts in to words on a page.
Hope this finds you well. One step at a time. Take care, Shawn.
“With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” – Dr. Wayne W Dyer
We are down another person at work which has been challenging. That and the fact that I am the only one who can drive a truck and trailer. I have definitely been putting a lot of pressure on myself. I have made some mistakes pruning which does not bode well. Just a little disappointed in myself and I always take things too personally. Part of it probably is that I have rushed at times trying to get to the next job. I did not even feel like pruning this afternoon as I was scared I would mess something else up. It still went well though and I am pretty sure I did a good job.
A good friend of mine is going through a very challenging time in his life. I wish there was a way I could help as I can certainly relate to some of what he is going through. I can only be here if he wants to reach out. Miss seeing him too. Has always had such a positive attitude and has been a good friend to me. Just wish he did not have to be going through this right now.
We were hoping to go down to Toronto to watch beach nationals tomorrow. I am not sure if that will work out. Depends on how I am feeling I guess and if I have the energy to make the trip as I have been exhausted. I should force myself to go as I know we will have a great time once we are down there. Volleyball has been a big part of my life and I miss being a part of it. Beach nationals is something that Jodi and I loved to go to in years past so hopefully I can turn my mood around and make the trip down to Ashbridges Bay.
As I have mentioned in a past blog, I often make myself a list of positive things to look forward to when I am feeling really low. Well, tonight there happens to be something. I have my fantasy football draft which is a lot of fun. I also have five years sober to celebrate coming up in November. Football season starts in two weeks. Fall is almost here and it is my favourite time of the year. Thanksgiving will be here soon and we get to host the Praught family for Thanksgiving dinner and four days of family fun. Duane and Erin will be here with Bernie and Karen. Looking forward to hearing about their trip to South America. I should have my DZ license by the new year. So when I stop and think about it, I have lots of reasons to push through the downzies. It certainly is not an enjoyable experience but, I have to fight through it. If I look back at my blogs for the last two years, I would find that I come through many challenges and there is no reason I cannot continue to do so.
Well, I feel much better already after writing. I love writing. I makes me feel alive when I can formulate thoughts in to words on a page.
Hope this finds you well. One step at a time. Take care, Shawn.
“With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” – Dr. Wayne W Dyer
Tuesday, 12 August 2014
Good Morning Vietnam
When I was younger, one of my favorite movies was Good Morning Vietnam. The character of the eccentric DJ during the war really intrigued me. The actor did such an amazing job in that role and I will always remember it.
We were watching television last night and Jodi happened to be checking her Facebook. She looked over towards me and informed me that Robin Williams had taken his life. I asked if she was sure and she said yes. I was shocked. He has always been one of my favorite comedians and actors. He has made me smile on numerous occasions even when I did not feel like smiling. He has made me laugh when I did not feel like laughing. And he has brought tears to my eyes in his dramatic roles, especially in Patch Adams.
It really hit me today at work. I was deeply saddened. Mental illness does not discriminate against anyone. It affects the rich and the poor. It affects people of every race. It affects men and women. I have been where he was before he chose to take his own life. I can relate to the pain and inner turmoil he must have been going through before those final moments. It is a dark place to be and I wish somehow, some light could have shone through, even just a little.
He brought so much joy to others in his life and he will continue to do so with his body of work remaining for us to remember him. His life was not wasted. He impacted others in a profound way and that I am thankful for. I did not know him personally but, think he would have been a great person to have a chat over a coffee. I will miss him and take solace knowing his pain is gone.
“Did you really want to die?"
"No one commits suicide because they want to die."
"Then why do they do it?"
"Because they want to stop the pain.”
― Tiffanie DeBartolo, How to Kill a Rock Star
We were watching television last night and Jodi happened to be checking her Facebook. She looked over towards me and informed me that Robin Williams had taken his life. I asked if she was sure and she said yes. I was shocked. He has always been one of my favorite comedians and actors. He has made me smile on numerous occasions even when I did not feel like smiling. He has made me laugh when I did not feel like laughing. And he has brought tears to my eyes in his dramatic roles, especially in Patch Adams.
It really hit me today at work. I was deeply saddened. Mental illness does not discriminate against anyone. It affects the rich and the poor. It affects people of every race. It affects men and women. I have been where he was before he chose to take his own life. I can relate to the pain and inner turmoil he must have been going through before those final moments. It is a dark place to be and I wish somehow, some light could have shone through, even just a little.
He brought so much joy to others in his life and he will continue to do so with his body of work remaining for us to remember him. His life was not wasted. He impacted others in a profound way and that I am thankful for. I did not know him personally but, think he would have been a great person to have a chat over a coffee. I will miss him and take solace knowing his pain is gone.
“Did you really want to die?"
"No one commits suicide because they want to die."
"Then why do they do it?"
"Because they want to stop the pain.”
― Tiffanie DeBartolo, How to Kill a Rock Star
Monday, 11 August 2014
Happy Day!!!! Welcome Taylor Jane !!!!
Well, it has been quite sometime since I have written. There has been lots to write about but, just kept putting it off.
Firstly, our family has a new addition. My sister in law Deb gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Taylor Jane, on August 5th. I am so happy for Ryan, Deb and Rylen and their new addition. She was 7lb 8 ounces and I am so excited to have a new niece. Cannot wait to meet her for the first time.
My nephew Elias turned 7 years old today. Happy Birthday Elias!!!!! Hard to believe that much time has gone by. Seems just like yesterday he was just a baby. Proud to be his uncle and look forward to watching him continue to grow.
A very happy birthday today to my mother in law Karen. Wish I could be there to celebrate with you. Could not ask for a better mother in law. Thanks for being you.
Jodi just got back last Thursday from a two week trip out east to visit Bernie and Karen in Souris, PEI. They have a cottage there and I know she had an amazing time. I wish I could have been there with them but, I decided to stay home to work this time around. Whatever I end up doing next year, I want to make the trip to the island. Work is work but, it is important to be able to make good memories with family and friends as well.
I had a pretty good two weeks by myself. Of course I had Ollie to keep me company but, it felt as if part of me was missing. Jodi is a huge part of who I am as a person and I really missed her. There are so many things I would not have at this point in my life without Jodi. She has helped push me to become a better person and to continue to fight through the struggles I face at times. I was proud of myself for getting through the two weeks and maintaining mental stability for the most part. I had the downzies on the one Sunday and had a difficult time getting through that day. I was not quite to the point of suicidal thoughts but, I was very low. There was definitely some negative self talk and my mind was racing quite a bit. I made it through though and had an awesome day on the holiday Monday. I think part of it was simply being lonely. Nobody was around that weekend and I let my mood slip without really reaching out to anyone.
I had a really good day today. I was feeling a little off last night and asked Jodi if she thought I would have a good day today. She responded by asking me a question. Do you want to have a good day? I said yes and that seemed to do the trick. It is amazing how such a simple question could have such a big impact on my day.
Jodi's birthday is on Wednesday and I have a great idea for a gift. Just need to find time to get where I need to go for it. Looking forward to celebrating together.
Pruning season is almost done which I am thankful for. Do not get me wrong as I love pruning. It just has been hard on my left bicep which I tore in the winter. It has never been the same since and holding a motorized pruner a lot definitely impacts it. I am looking forward to cutting some grass again at some point. I love cutting grass and that also usually means I get to hang out with Jesse. Have missed working with him.
It is hard to believe that September is almost upon us. Almost time for the NFL to return which is very exciting. Have to brush up on my fantasy skills as I had a tough year last season.
Anyway, off to bed. Gotta keep that routine going. Have a great week. Take care, Shawn.
“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
Firstly, our family has a new addition. My sister in law Deb gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Taylor Jane, on August 5th. I am so happy for Ryan, Deb and Rylen and their new addition. She was 7lb 8 ounces and I am so excited to have a new niece. Cannot wait to meet her for the first time.
My nephew Elias turned 7 years old today. Happy Birthday Elias!!!!! Hard to believe that much time has gone by. Seems just like yesterday he was just a baby. Proud to be his uncle and look forward to watching him continue to grow.
A very happy birthday today to my mother in law Karen. Wish I could be there to celebrate with you. Could not ask for a better mother in law. Thanks for being you.
Jodi just got back last Thursday from a two week trip out east to visit Bernie and Karen in Souris, PEI. They have a cottage there and I know she had an amazing time. I wish I could have been there with them but, I decided to stay home to work this time around. Whatever I end up doing next year, I want to make the trip to the island. Work is work but, it is important to be able to make good memories with family and friends as well.
I had a pretty good two weeks by myself. Of course I had Ollie to keep me company but, it felt as if part of me was missing. Jodi is a huge part of who I am as a person and I really missed her. There are so many things I would not have at this point in my life without Jodi. She has helped push me to become a better person and to continue to fight through the struggles I face at times. I was proud of myself for getting through the two weeks and maintaining mental stability for the most part. I had the downzies on the one Sunday and had a difficult time getting through that day. I was not quite to the point of suicidal thoughts but, I was very low. There was definitely some negative self talk and my mind was racing quite a bit. I made it through though and had an awesome day on the holiday Monday. I think part of it was simply being lonely. Nobody was around that weekend and I let my mood slip without really reaching out to anyone.
I had a really good day today. I was feeling a little off last night and asked Jodi if she thought I would have a good day today. She responded by asking me a question. Do you want to have a good day? I said yes and that seemed to do the trick. It is amazing how such a simple question could have such a big impact on my day.
Jodi's birthday is on Wednesday and I have a great idea for a gift. Just need to find time to get where I need to go for it. Looking forward to celebrating together.
Pruning season is almost done which I am thankful for. Do not get me wrong as I love pruning. It just has been hard on my left bicep which I tore in the winter. It has never been the same since and holding a motorized pruner a lot definitely impacts it. I am looking forward to cutting some grass again at some point. I love cutting grass and that also usually means I get to hang out with Jesse. Have missed working with him.
It is hard to believe that September is almost upon us. Almost time for the NFL to return which is very exciting. Have to brush up on my fantasy skills as I had a tough year last season.
Anyway, off to bed. Gotta keep that routine going. Have a great week. Take care, Shawn.
“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
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