Next Step

It has been a long time since I have written.  I have missed writing immensely.

I had a hard time turning 40 in January.  I struggled with it for a while but, slowly adjusted and began to turn the corner.  It was one of the most challenging winters I have had and I am thankful that it looks like spring is finally here.

It was one of the hardest decisions I had to make but, I did decide to move on from my job from the last five years.  I learned so much about myself in that time and definitely would not be the person I am now without that experience. It really helped me become a stronger person and I will always be grateful for that time.  I met some amazing people along the way and worked for some wonderful customers over those years.

I began the next chapter of employment in March.  Unfortunately, it did not work out and I spent this past weekend wrapping my brain around what I should do next.  I felt like a bit of failure. I know they did not get to see the best of me and I never got a chance to show them where I excelled the most.  I had not been at a new position in five years and I think I just got overwhelmed in the first few weeks and my confidence took a hit.  You can learn things from every experience in life and I learned some valuable lessons in a short time.

I was really low on the weekend.  Was just frustrated with myself.  I do not enjoy failing at things and take things far too personally.  I could not sit idle for long and was determined to find a new job today.  I did and I am optimistic moving forward.  I have some familiarity my new employer and I am hoping it will make the transition easier this time.  I am always going to struggle at times but, I am determined to show confidence and give them the best version of myself.  I also need to realize that I cannot let what may be going on inside me transfer to my body language.  I have to be present and be conscience of others needs as well.   And if it does not work out, at least I will be able to say I gave it my all.  A job does not define me as a person and I need to remind myself of that.  I am proud of who I am now and all I can give is my best and leave it at work at the end of the day.

A wise woman once told me that sometimes you just have to say "Fuck It".  That is what helped me today.  I woke up and just said fuck it to myself and made a point to have a good day and take some initiative.  Nobody gives things to you in life.  You have to work at it.  Believe in yourself and take charge.  That's what I did today.

I am a fighter.  If nothing else, people cannot say I gave up on life.  I get up each day and try to put my best foot forward.  Bi - Polar does not define me as a person.  It is something I live with.  But there are so many positives to hold on to.  I will continue to push through and continually work on bettering myself.  I want to be a good husband, a good brother, a good son and a good friend.  That is what is most important to me.  Everything else will take care of itself.  One step at a time.

Hope this finds you well.

Happy Monday.

Shawn