Opportunity to Learn

Well, I learned recently that construction was simply not for me.  I gave it a shot for three weeks and kept a positive attitude.  Just realized the other day that it was not something that I had a passion for.  I did learn a lot and it was interesting to find out how much really goes in to infrastructure of towns and cities. 

I took a huge risk when I decided not to return to my last job.  It was a huge risk because that job was something I had success with and I truly enjoyed the customers that we worked for.  As I have mentioned before in this blog, it can be very challenging for individuals living with a mental illness to find stability with employment.  Many cannot work at all and I feel fortunate that I have been able to find some success.  In retrospect, I may have made a mistake leaving as I did enjoy the work and it made me feel worthy being able to contribute to our family.  But on the other hand, these last two months were something I believe I had to experience for myself.  Every experience in life, whether it be positive or negative can be an opportunity to learn something about yourself.

I learned that it is crucial for myself to be very conscience of the way I present myself.  Others cannot see what is going on inside my mind.  I have to be able to present good body language regardless of what I may be experiencing mentally.  I learned that I cannot put whatever I may be experiencing on other people, even those closest to me.  I need to take time to find one on one counseling to help me learn to navigate challenges with whatever I end up doing moving forward.  It has been far too long since I have talked through my emotions and struggles one on one with a professional.  I made a call the other day and have started the process of finding someone to meet with.  There is a difference between having a good support system and seeking out a professional.  People close to me are very supportive of me but, it is not fair of me to reach out to them with issues that I really need to be talking with someone who is specialized in treating mental illness.  I learned that I need to be able to take constructive criticism.  I am not perfect and there are many things I have to learn.  I did cry a few times in the last few months but, that is just part of who I am.  I need to learn not to take things so personally and realize that criticism does not mean someone dislikes me as a person or is an indictment of my character as a person.  I am an extremely sensitive person but, I need to be able to grow a thicker skin at times and know that although I may make mistakes at work, it does not mean I am a failure as a person.

I had the opportunity to do some hand pruning of some shrubs yesterday.  I have discussed this on previous occasions but, I cannot stress how therapeutic pruning is for me.  If I ever had an opportunity to start my own business, I would specialize in pruning.  Pruning was something I seemed to have a knack for from the beginning and I am thankful for the last five years as it gave me the opportunity to hone my skills. I still have so much to learn about identifying different shrubs and trees but, I understand how to prune quite a variety of species.  Part of what I deal with on a daily basis is thoughts racing through my mind, often having difficulty slowing my mind down.  When I am pruning, this is a non issue.  I do not think about anything other that how I need to approach the pruning for each individual shrub or plant.  My favorite thing to prune is a hedge.  I have had the opportunity to prune quite a variety of hedges.  I love the challenge of taking off just enough from the sides of a hedge and sloping it properly and also attempting to get the top to the point where you could put a level on it. I really enjoy the opportunity to do hedges that have never been touched.  You can take something that is an overgrown mess and completely transform it in to something to be proud of.  My parents neighbor has a hedge that has never been touched and I am dying to do it.  It drives me nuts looking at it every time I am there.  Part of me wants to do it for free but, I know the value in being able to prune a hedge properly.

We are heading down to babysit by nephews and niece.  Should be a lot of fun and can't wait to see them.  It is a beautiful day here and I am feeling quite positive today.  Time to cut the grass.

Hope you are well.  Take care,  Shawn.

 “Never give up on someone with a mental illness. When "I" is replaced by "We", illness becomes wellness.”
 ― Shannon L. Alder