Thankful

I have a rain day today.  First one we have had.  This rain is a welcome sight as we really have not had any sustained rain for a few months.  It has been  three or four years since we have had such a dry summer.  It has been a long time since I have seen the grass slow down this much.  Our lawn is not doing too well but, the same can be said for most of our neighborhood.  I am not worried about it at all.  In the big scheme of life, it is just a lawn.  Our front bed is still looking really good which is more important to me.

My new job is going extremely well.  I am working with really good people and have had absolutely no issues interacting with others at work.  It has been quite the opposite really.  There has been no fear, stress or anxiety.  I no longer bring home work with me every night and on weekends. This has made a world of difference in terms of my general happiness.  I have not enjoyed a summer this much in a very long time.  I have not had to work any weekends and have been off earlier every Friday except for one since I began this job.  I used to have a lot issues with my stomach but, that is no longer an issue.  No anxiety, no stomach issues.  My foreman is awesome to work for and has a very positive leadership style.  I work with one other guy who is great and the three of us work very well together.  We have a lot of fun when we work and we have finished some really nice projects.

Jodi and I are going to PEI for a week and August which I am really looking forward to.  My last vacation during a season did not go well and I spent the majority of it in a severe depression.  It will be nice not to have anything to worry about and simply enjoy my time a way.  It will be wonderful to see Bernie and Karen and spend some quality time together.  PEI is beautiful and I recommend visiting there is you ever have a chance.

I had a counseling appoint this week.  I am very happy with how my sessions have been going.  We work through a variety of issues and it gives me a chance to look for strategies to help navigate through certain struggles.  I have been getting better on not unloading too much on other people, instead using my sessions to talk through things with a professional.

Overall,  I am doing really well.  I still have areas of my life that I would like to improve but, I am feeling positive moving forward.  My mood still shifts at times and I still shut down on occasions but, it is slowly improving.  My mind does not race quite as often these days.  I still struggle at times with navigating certain thought patterns but, feel I am better suited to deal with them now.  I still have the occasional suicidal thought but, I no longer fixate on those thoughts for long periods of time.  I am not where I want to be yet but, if I look back ten years a go,  I have come leaps and bounds since then.  I am very thankful to be where I am and I am grateful to many people in my life for helping me reach this point.  Jodi is a huge part of where I am today and I am very fortunate to have her in my life.  Being married to someone with bi polar and an addictive nature is not an easy thing to deal with.  She is a special person and I am very proud to married to her.

Hope this finds you well.  Take care,  Shawn.

“I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living now.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist