9 Years Baby

On November 2nd, I celebrated nine years of sobriety.  I find it hard to believe at times that I have been able to remain sober for that length of time.  I take great pride in my sobriety.  It is certainly far from easy living with Bi Polar type 2 but,  it has been a lot easier to manage without alcohol clouding my mind.  I could never have one drink.  I never knew when to stop and my personality changed.  I was not always proud of the person I was when I drank and I am thankful I made that choice to abstain from booze.  I have made as many amends as I can and would apologize to every person that ever was affected by my drinking in person if I could.  I hope by the way I've tried to live my life over the last 9 years of sobriety shows that it is possible to change.  I loved to drink but,  it became clear to me that if I was going to make it through my life with bi polar, I had to make choice for myself and for those around me.  If I hadn't , I would have lost everything and there is very good chance that I would be dead.  I am way more fun without alcohol than I ever was when I drank and I no longer have to be ashamed of myself.  I realized that the issues that I struggled with in my life with bi polar, would never diminish with alcohol.  Self medicating with alcohol may hide the pain temporarily but,  in most cases it made thing worse.  My mind is already difficult to manage and it became clear that using the crux of alcohol would never get me to where I wanted to be.

I recently watched an amazing documentary on bi polar illness.  If you have some time to watch, it is the most real portrayal of bi polar that I have seen on a program.  Stephen Fry was gracious enough to put himself out there with some of the struggles he has faced and there are many others that share their story in the program.  Just search,  The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive, and you should be able to see the documentaries.  There are three in total.  It started as a two part documentary ten years a go and then there is a third program that follows the originals up ten years later.  I really recommend them to anyone really.  Not only are they useful for those who struggle with mental illness but, they would help friends and family understand a little more about the bi polar illness itself.

That is it for me today.  I do plan on writing a lot more in the upcoming months.  Hope this finds you well.  One step at a time.  Take care,  Shawn.

“Now I’m
sober and I
realize, I
didn’t drink to
escape the world,
I drank to escape
myself”
― Phil Volatile, Crushed Black Velvet