Spinning Top

When I had my first major depressive episode when I was 21 years old,  the hardest part at the time for me to deal with was racing thoughts.  My mind would go around and around like a spinning top. Except with my mind,  it did not slow down.  I had no fucking clue what was going on and I was not on any medications at the time.  Good thoughts, bad thoughts, bizarre thoughts, past mistakes, self doubt, suicidal thoughts all racing through my head and I had no idea how to slow it down.  I could describe it as something out of the movie, Clockwork Orange,  pretty fucked up.

I had a similar day to that yesterday.  I could not get my mind to slow down.  I take my medications regularly but, there are some days that the bi polar part of my brain seems to take over.  I have been struggling a bit over the last few weeks leading up to yesterday.  Kind of in and out of minor depressions.  Lacking focus and getting out of routine.   

My mind is a lot slower today which I am grateful for.  I feel a little peace within and am going to try to work on a positive mindset for today.

Hope this finds you well.  Seasons Greetings.  Shawn.

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
― Mahatma Gandhi