Pride

I did it.  I made it through the grind of another eight month landscaping season.  I am so proud of myself that I pushed through till the end despite some intense challenges along the way.  It would have been easy for me to give up but, I fought through adversity and made it to the finish line.  I almost did not even make it through July.  The trip to Dominican was the worst I felt mentally all year and I was not sure if I would be able to continue with work or life for that matter.  Somehow I found it within myself to show up for work on that Monday and do the best I could to navigate the darkness in my mind.

It was definitely a draining year physically and mentally.  It can be very stressful at times and I am thankful I had some good people to work with in Heather, Ryan, Jessie and Paul to help me through.  We helped each other and could lean on one another when things really became really difficult.  The amount of jobs we finished with such a small crew astounds me.  The customers we worked for definitely got their monies worth from us.  Our work ethic and attention to detail would rival any company and I am so proud what the five of us accomplished this year. 

I am proud that I was able to succeed in a leadership role and lead by example.  Although I struggled at first with it,  I learned that leadership is something that I excel at.  The key for me was having patience.  Patience is so important in many aspects of life.  I gave individuals time to learn the ins and outs of our daily routines and I always tried to be there to help point them in the right direction.  The other key to building a good team atmosphere was constantly praising the efforts of others.  Giving positive feedback is so key to team success.  Positive comments should always outweigh negative ones and I made sure that was the case. 

I have been enjoying my time off with Ollie and am looking forward to our trip to visit Jodi's parents in Florida for Christmas.  I am not sure what my future holds but,  I am not going to worry about that right now.  I have a lot of things to think about in the upcoming months and will struggle with any decision I make.  I just need to enjoy the time I have now and take my time in deciding what the best course of action would be for me and our family.

I have been doing fairly well mentally for the first few weeks of being off.  I struggled a bit today and cried for the first time in a while.  Part of it was just being overtired as we have stayed up far too late the last few nights.  I was just thinking today about  how hard I fight to push through a year and it scared me to think of continually fighting that battle for the rest of my life.  I am just afraid of going in the same circle continuously for years to come.  I had one afternoon last week when my mind raced at lightning speed.  I was trying to take a nap and simply could not stop it racing.  It is hard to explain and I wish there was some way to describe it that made sense.  Just think of a spinning top and imagine thoughts going through your mind at that speed.

Looking forward to watching the Saints redeem themselves tonight against the Panthers which will be a tough challenge.  Should be a great game to watch whatever the outcome.

Hope this finds you well.  Take care,  Shawn.

Believe in the impossible.