Got My D

I am happy to announce that I was successful in obtaining my D license.  It was a long process but, it feels great to finally accomplish another goal of mine.  My training went really well but, I got quite nervous during the test which almost cost me.  I was the only Humber student that day to pass my test.  It definitely gives me a sense of achievement and another positive to help me maintain a balance in life.

We have been shut down for the week in terms of our fall clean ups.  Southern Ontario has got an early blast of winter just as many places across North America have.  The ground is covered in snow and temperatures are well below seasonal norms.  There is not much we would be able to do.  Fortunately, there looks to be some rain in the forecast on Sunday and Monday along with some milder temperatures.  It would be great if that allowed us to continue our clean ups as I would love to get them finished with.  Typically I am done by American Thanksgiving but, that is not going to happen this year to to this winter wonderland and the fact that there are only two of us.  I hope we don't go too far in to December but, I guess time will tell.

I started my plowing job on Monday night seeing as I had the time this week.  My first shift went fairly well,  just getting used to the plow and familiarizing myself with properties.  Definitely took me a bit longer than I wanted at some places but, I am happy with how it went.  I worked last night too just to do some touch ups so it wasn't a long night.  We had a fair amount of snow this afternoon and early evening so it looks to be a full shift for tonight.  I was able to get some good sleep today and actually feel refreshed.  Yesterday I had trouble sleeping and it will probably take me a while to get used to a new routine.  I was a little down before I started last night.  I am excited for this opportunity but, am a little scared at the same time.  This has been the best year I have had mentally in twenty years and it worries me a bit as to how this change will affect me.  I just want to maintain good patterns and make sure I am doing everything I can to channel my thoughts and moods in a positive way.  I almost cried in my car before I started but, I pulled myself together and had a great shift.  If I have proven anything to myself in the last four years is that I can push through anything and everything will work out if I stay determined.

I probably would not have taken this on if we were not on the verge of getting our first house.  I have enjoyed my time off in the winter and spending the time with Jodi and Ollie.  I want to be able to contribute to our goal of owning our own house and decided this was the best thing for our little family. 

My mind was racing quite a bit last night, especially when I got home and was falling asleep.  It is hard to describe my thoughts when my mind is racing but, it can be difficult to slow them down.  My mom used to be a vision specialist with the school board and had glasses that people could put on in order to see what individuals with vision impairments went through.  I think it would be interesting if there was some form of technology that allowed others to see what it was like in someones mind that has a mental illness.  Don't see it happening, just think it would give others a better understanding of what individuals struggle with at times.  My mood has actually stayed balanced.  I have not had many bouts of depression which has been a welcome addition to my life.  I still remember being in deep depressions.  Not wanting to get out of bed or leave my house for days, weeks and sometimes months at a time.  Sometimes those experiences do not seem like they actually happened seeing how well I am doing now.  I will not forget those times though and use those experiences as motivation to keep the course and work hard at my mental health.

Just about to have some pizza for dinner.  Hope you are having a good week.  Take care,  Shawn.

 “Mental illness turns people inwards. That's what I reckon. It keeps up forever trapped by the pain of our own minds, in the same way that the pain of a broken leg or a cut thumb will grab your attention, holding it so tightly that your good leg or your good thumb seem to cease to exist.”
― Nathan Filer, The Shock of the Fall