Bell Let's Talk

Tomorrow, January 28th, is Bell Let's Talk day in Canada.  I look forward to this day every year as it is a big step in ending stigmas surrounding mental health. 

If you are a Bell customer, every text or long distance call made will raise five cents towards mental health initiatives.  You can also tweet using the hash tag BellLetsTalk and share the link on Facebook.  I am sure most of you would know someone, either a family member or friend, in your life that has struggled with some form of mental illness.  So please take a few moments tomorrow and send some texts.  If nothing else,  share a conversation with someone about mental health.

I have never been this stable in my life.  Seems just like yesterday that I did not want to leave my bed, just trapped in darkness.  If you knew me now, you would never know what I and those around me have been through over the years.  Jodi knows all too well the pain involved and I am forever grateful for her love and support.  She could have easily given up on me and no one would have blamed her in the slightest.  Mental disorders do not just affect those living with them.  They affect everyone surrounding the person and it can often be a difficult challenge.  I am so thankful for those in my life who have helped get me to this point.  I wish I had not impacted others in a negative way with some of my decisions but, I have been able to learn from the past and look forward to the future.

I was thinking the other day how sick my mind used to be.  I could not separate healthy thoughts from thoughts that were part of my illness.  I am so thankful I am able to manage my thoughts now and do not allow thoughts that shouldn't be there linger in my head.

I have not had a major depressive episode in over five years.  I have struggle through bouts of depression but, nothing like I used to have.  Depression used to paralyze me.  All I could see was darkness and my mind only filled me with negative thoughts about myself.

I have found being open about my illness now and sharing with others has not only been therapeutic for me but, in turn I hope I have been able to share with others some of the struggles of living with a mental illness.  That is what is so important about tomorrow,  sharing experiences with others.  Finding commonality in a cause and spreading awareness.

Take care,  Shawn.

 “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”
― Thích Nhất Hạnh

Anxiety Disorders

There are several types of anxiety disorders including panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, specific phobias, and generalized anxiety disorder.

Anxiety is a normal human emotion that everyone experiences at times. Many people feel anxious, or nervous, when faced with a problem at work, before taking a test, or making an important decision. Anxiety disorders, however, are different. They can cause such distress that it interferes with a person's ability to lead a normal life.

An anxiety disorder is a serious mental illness. For people with anxiety disorders, worry and fear are constant and overwhelming, and can be crippling.

Phobias -- See What Makes Some People Afraid

What Are the Types of Anxiety Disorders?

There are several recognized types of anxiety disorders, including:

• Panic disorder: People with this condition have feelings of terror that strike suddenly and repeatedly with no warning. Other symptoms of a panic attack include sweating, chest pain, palpitations (unusually strong or irregular heartbeats), and a feeling of choking, which may make the person feel like he or she is having a heart attack or "going crazy."
• Social anxiety disorder: Also called social phobia, social anxiety disorder involves overwhelming worry and self-consciousness about everyday social situations. The worry often centers on a fear of being judged by others, or behaving in a way that might cause embarrassment or lead to ridicule.
• Specific phobias: A specific phobia is an intense fear of a specific object or situation, such as snakes, heights, or flying. The level of fear is usually inappropriate to the situation and may cause the person to avoid common, everyday situations.
• Generalized anxiety disorder: This disorder involves excessive, unrealistic worry and tension, even if there is little or nothing to provoke the anxiety.

What Are the Symptoms of an Anxiety Disorder?

Symptoms vary depending on the type of anxiety disorder, but general symptoms include:

• Feelings of panic, fear, and uneasiness
• Problems sleeping
• Cold or sweaty hands and/or feet
• Shortness of breath
• Heart palpitations
• An inability to be still and calm
• Dry mouth
• Numbness or tingling in the hands or feet
• Nausea
• Muscle tension
• Dizziness

What Causes Anxiety Disorders?

The exact cause of anxiety disorders is unknown; but anxiety disorders -- like other forms of mental illness -- are not the result of personal weakness, a character flaw, or poor upbringing. As scientists continue their research on mental illness, it is becoming clear that many of these disorders are caused by a combination of factors, including changes in the brain and environmental stress.

Like other brain illnesses, anxiety disorders may be caused by problems in the functioning of brain circuits that regulate fear and other emotions. Studies have shown that severe or long-lasting stress can change the way nerve cells within these circuits transmit information from one region of the brain to another. Other studies have shown that people with certain anxiety disorders have changes in certain brain structures that control memories linked with strong emotions. In addition, studies have shown that anxiety disorders run in families, which means that they can at least partly be inherited from one or both parents, like the risk for heart disease or cancer. Moreover, certain environmental factors -- such as a trauma or significant event -- may trigger an anxiety disorder in people who have an inherited susceptibility to developing the disorder.

How Common Are Anxiety Disorders?

Anxiety disorders affect millions of adult Americans. Most anxiety disorders begin in childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood. They occur slightly more often in women than in men, and occur with equal frequency in whites, African-Americans, and Hispanics.

How Are Anxiety Disorders Diagnosed?

If symptoms of an anxiety disorder are present, the doctor will begin an evaluation by asking you questions about your medical history and performing a physical exam. Although there are no lab tests to specifically diagnose anxiety disorders, the doctor may use various tests to look for physical illness as the cause of the symptoms.

If no physical illness is found, you may be referred to a psychiatrist, psychologist, or another mental health professional who is specially trained to diagnose and treat mental illnesses. Psychiatrists and psychologists use specially designed interview and assessment tools to evaluate a person for an anxiety disorder.

The doctor bases his or her diagnosis on the patient's report of the intensity and duration of symptoms -- including any problems with daily functioning caused by the symptoms -- and the doctor's observation of the patient's attitude and behavior. The doctor then determines if the patient's symptoms and degree of dysfunction indicate a specific anxiety disorder.

How Are Anxiety Disorders Treated?

Fortunately, much progress has been made in the last two decades in the treatment of people with mental illnesses, including anxiety disorders. Although the exact treatment approach depends on the type of disorder, one or a combination of the following therapies may be used for most anxiety disorders:

• Medication: Drugs used to reduce the symptoms of anxiety disorders include anti-depressants and anxiety-reducing drugs.
• Psychotherapy: Psychotherapy (a type of counseling) addresses the emotional response to mental illness. It is a process in which trained mental health professionals help people by talking through strategies for understanding and dealing with their disorder.
• Cognitive-behavioral therapy: This is a particular type of psychotherapy in which the person learns to recognize and change thought patterns and behaviors that lead to troublesome feelings.
• Dietary and lifestyle changes.
• Relaxation therapy

Can Anxiety Disorders Be Prevented?

Anxiety disorders cannot be prevented; however, there are some things you can do to control or lessen symptoms:

• Stop or reduce consumption of products that contain caffeine, such as coffee, tea, cola, energy drinks, and chocolate.
• Ask your doctor or pharmacist before taking any over-the-counter medicines or herbal remedies. Many contain chemicals that can increase anxiety symptoms.
• Seek counseling and support if you start to regularly feel anxious with no apparent cause.

WebMD Medical Reference

View Article Sources

Reviewed by Joseph Goldberg, MD on February 08, 2014

© 2014 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.

Happy Friday.  Take care,  Shawn.

 “Seven Deadly Sins

Wealth without work
Pleasure without conscience
Science without humanity
Knowledge without character
Politics without principle
Commerce without morality
Worship without sacrifice.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

Three Years Soon

I was looking through my earlier blogs today.  I realized that I have been writing this blog for almost three years.  I wrote my first ever blog on February 26th, 2012.  I have thoroughly enjoyed writing in this.  I have tried to be open and honest about some of the things that I struggle with.  I have had almost 6000 page views which is never something I thought possible.  I started writing this as a form of therapy for myself but, hopefully over the last three years, I have helped spread some awareness around mental health.

One of the big positives for me in writing this blog is the ability to look back through older posts.  It helps keeps things in perspective for me and helps me realized how far I have actually come.  If I am struggling with something, I can look back and show myself that I have indeed pushed through obstacles and still managed to come out the other side.  It gives me a stronger belief in myself and I truly hope it shows others that it is possible to fight through periods of darkness and find some sense of peace.

My sister had pointed out to me a long time a go that perplection was spelled incorrectly.  It is actually a rare spelling of the word perplexion. 

perplection

English

Noun 

perplection (plural perplections)
Rare spelling of perplexion.

Now I must be quite honest,  I did at the time believe that it was indeed spelled the way it appears in my blogs address.  I was happy to find out that it was a rare spelling, as I certainly considered myself a rare person in the past.   I chose perplection or perplexion as it describes a state of confusion, bewilderment and/or puzzlement.  I thought that was quite fitting in describing what it is like at times living with a mental disorder.  www.mindperplection.blogspot.ca came to me instantly and I am very pleased that I chose that title for my blog address. 

I am not up to too much today.  I have to drop off a form at the lawyer.  A week from tomorrow, we will hopefully have closed on our first home.  I am going to pick up my pay check.  It has been over a month so it will be nice to put something in the bank which will help me keep things up to date.  I am not sure if we will have to salt tonight.  There is some snow for a few hours overnight but, I think it would not warrant going out.  Guess I will find out. I took Ollie for a good run today.  The cold has been affecting his legs but, he seems to be fine as long as he is running around.

Hope your having a good day.  Take care,  Shawn.

When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

39

I turned 39 yesterday.  Every time I make it through another year, I feel grateful.  As I have mentioned in past blogs, I could have easily been a statistic. I am not sure how I made it this far in life, knowing how strong the urge was to end my life at times over the last twenty years.  I am thankful to those people in my life that have helped me get to this point.

I did have a great birthday. I worked early in the morning for a few hours doing some salting at the schools.  It was one of my easier shifts and it went smoothly.  I went back to bed for a bit and then had a massage with Angie.  Angie is great to talk to and I felt very relaxed afterwards.  I had a chance to have lunch with my parents which was nice.  It has been stressful for everyone with all the house stuff, so it was nice just to sit down and talk about other things.  I had physio with Anne in the afternoon for my bicep.  Anne is very good at what she does and we ended up having a really good discussion during the appointment.  Jodi made me a wonderful pasta dinner and my sister dropped off a pie for me which was quite tasty.  All and all, it was a good day.

Yesterday was my birthday but, we also got some news about our adopted grandmother, June.  She was not doing well and actually stopped breathing briefly.  She is 93 years old and has not been doing too well the last few weeks.  I visited with her last night and held her hand for a while.  She would squeeze it periodically.  She seemed peaceful in her sleep. She is doing a bit better today and my dad is visiting with her.  He said she woke up briefly and said what a beautiful day it was. June has been in our family for a long time.  She used to live with my Granny and I still remember visiting them in Toronto.  She has lived in Fergus for at least the last ten years.  She is a kind and generous person.  I always enjoyed hearing her various stories, especially the one about her trip to Barbados.  It will be sad when this chapter ends for her.  My hope is that she passes gently in her sleep.  She has had a wonderful life and has been a big part of our family.  I will miss her when the time comes but, know she will be in a better place.

I have been pretty busy with work the last two or three weeks.  I have been able to get some good hours in which will be nice for my pay day tomorrow.  I have started to get used to the routes and salting/plowing.  I am definitely not as efficient as the guys I work with as they have been doing it for the last five years of so.  It is getting easier for me though.  I would not do it again next year.  I do like it but, it is not worth the risk mentally for me.  The hours are so erratic in terms of what time we go out during the day/night.  I have not been able to take my medications at the same time every day which I have managed well thus far.  There is no way I would have been able to handle a job like this five years a go.  It is only because my mind has become so much stronger, that I still have been able to cope mentally with the irregularities in my daily routines.  I committed for the season and will probably work up until Jodi and I leave for Florida on her March break.  My plan is to relax for the last few weeks of March and then head in to another landscaping season.

I am very excited about this spring.  I have basically made the decision to go back to work for the same company I have been with for the last four years.  It is probably the earliest I have made this decision and has also been the easiest decision for me compared to years gone by.  I have no fear or anxiety moving towards spring and am looking forward to working with my boss, Devin and Christine again.  There is familiarity there and it makes me feel very comfortable in my decision.  I already know the pros and cons and have proven to myself on numerous occasions that I can push through any situation.  I love the fact that I get to do a variety of things and I love working with our customers on a weekly basis. Other opportunities have presented themselves to me but, I know this the right thing for both me mentally and for our family.

The Bell Let's Talk Day is actually in January this year,  on the 28th.  I have followed this initiative since its inception and am so proud of the fact that we have something like this in Canada that raises awareness around mental health.  If you live in Canada and are a Bell customer,  every text message or long distance call made on that day raises five cents for mental health initiatives.  You can also tweet using the hash tag BellLet'sTalk to raise funds.

Off to the bank to talk mortgage.  Can't believe we are so close to buying our first house.

Have a great week.  Take care,  Shawn.

 “We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”
― Paulo Coelho

From One Year to the Next

I would like to wish everyone a happy new year.  Hope you had a great time celebrating with family and friends.

My 2014 was probably the best year I have had in twenty years.  I achieved a lot of things on a personal level and I am proud of myself.  I was able to finish my fourth year with the same company.  I have never been that long at one job without an extended period of time off.  I was able to finally get my DZ license after a long process with my medical.  I am very pleased with myself that I stuck it out and worked hard to obtain something that will only benefit me in the future.  I was able to pay down more of my debt and my credit rating is finally getting back to respectability.  I achieved five years sober in November which is a huge milestone for me.  I did not enter a casino for a second straight year which is huge.  I did not even play cards with friends once this year.  I was able to maintain strong relationships with my family and friends.  Jodi and I have grown as a couple in the last year and we seem to be moving in a really positive direction.  We are in the verge of buying our first house which is very exciting, hopefully it works out next week.

Of all the positive things for me in 2014, the thing that gives me hope moving forward, is the change within my mind.  I have not had such long duration's of mental stability in one year in my life.  There were challenging times but, I was able to brush them off a little easier than in the past.  I am more aware of my thoughts and how to manage them.  I have been steadfast in taking my medications and trying to maintain a regular sleep pattern.  I have dealt with depression in 2014 but, the intensity of those bouts of depression have significantly lessened in the last year.  I do not spend every waking moment worrying about things of no major consequence.  I have enjoyed my Sundays for once which has made a huge difference in my weeks throughout the year.  Suicidal thoughts have drastically decreased over the last year.  I rarely have thoughts of ending my life and when I do, they are brief in duration.  I think they have lessened as the pain that I have felt in the past has slowly evaporated.  I have been able to look at the bright side of life and feel certain amounts of joy in life.  I am very thankful for the progress my mind has made this year and hopefully it will continue to grow stronger.

2015 is shaping up to be a good year.  As I mentioned, we are very close to purchasing our first house.  It has taken a lot of hard work to get to this point but, we stuck at it and it looks as though it may actually become a reality.  We have a trip to Florida booked in March and it will be awesome to spend some time with Bernie and Karen.  I am hoping to take a week off in the summer and visit them in PEI as well this summer.  I have not been there in over five years and a trip there for me is long overdue.

I would like to continue to grow this year.  I want to build on things I learned in 2014 and use them to help me grow stronger this year.  I want to become a better communicator.  I want to become better with money and budgeting properly.  I want to continue to share my story with others and help break stigmas surrounding mental health.  I would like to speak in front of youth and show them that they are not alone in whatever they may be struggling with.  I want to be a better husband.  I want to be a better son.  I want to be a better brother.  I want to be a better friend.  I want to put others first more often.  I want to push myself to be a better person everyday.  I want to continually challenge my mind with managing my thoughts effectively.  I want to push myself not to dwell on negatives or past failures but, to work hard at making a better future.  I would not really call these resolutions,  just aspects of my life that I want to continue to work on.

I truly wish you all the best in 2015.  Take care,  Shawn.

“May Light always surround you;
Hope kindle and rebound you.
May your Hurts turn to Healing;
Your Heart embrace Feeling.
May Wounds become Wisdom;
Every Kindness a Prism.
May Laughter infect you;
Your Passion resurrect you.
May Goodness inspire
your Deepest Desires.
Through all that you Reach For,
May your arms Never Tire.”
― D. Simone