Canada Day is my favorite day of the year. Normally it is the one day a year that I can kind of forget that I live with bi polar and addictions and embrace the celebration of this amazing country.
It has been kind of an up and down few weeks. I have really been trying hard to focus at work and have have had some of the best weeks I have had in 8 years of landscaping. I had one day that I let a physical ailment affect my work and did a really shitty job of trimming. It won't happen again as I do not like letting people down. Work has been a positive outlet for me. I have struggled in other aspects of life. I was in a severe depression last Sunday but managed to find a way out of it. I will write in the winter as to what severe depression looks like inside my mind as I think it would give some context for others.
I want so much to succeed. At my marriage. At my work. As a son. As a brother. As a friend.
My disorder can be very selfish at times and I find it difficult to see outside of my own mind. I know it can be and has been very challenging for others to deal with the complexity of my thought patterns and mood swings. I have never meant to make it difficult on others and I carry guilt with me on a pretty constant basis for what others have endured through my illness. I do my best to manage but, it takes so much inner strength and I often feel like I have nothing left. Perhaps if I had known what I know now about mental illness and my own disorder 20 years a go, things would be different.
On that note, I think it is so important to reach young people. Letting them know that it is ok not to be ok. That there is help for them and they do not need to struggle on their own. The time I had the opportunity to speak to some high school classes was one of the most fulfilling moments in my life as I felt I was able to reach them on some level with my story. http://getintouchforhutch.com/ Get in touch for hutch is a wonderful program in our area that raises awareness and funds for youths who may be struggling. If you have a moment, take a look at their website and if you feel so inclined, perhaps make a donation. Programs like theirs are so important. I wish I had made the run this year but, I will make sure Jodi and I make it out next year.
We had a chance to watch my brother Ryan's good friend Pat Anderson and his wife play at the Grand River Theater. Their band is called " The Lay Awakes". Their music was beautiful and Pat and Anna complimented each other so well with their harmonies. If you have a chance to look them up, you should give them a listen. Their new album Home A Way From Home just came out. https://www.thelayawakes.com/
My wife Jodi has been through more than someone should have ever had to. Living with someone with my particular illness and addictions is extremely difficult and crippling at times. I owe her my life and the opportunities I have had to experience love and commitment even when I did not deserve it. She is a very special person to me and her and Ollie are the reasons I have even had a shot and making something of my life. ttt
I am more than likely going to take a break from writing until the winter. It is not that I do not love writing but, I need to take the next few months to work harder on myself and find some sense of peace within me.
I hope this finds you well. Enjoy the rest of your summer. Take care, Shawn.
The truth is rarely pure and never simple.
Oscar Wilde
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/truth_is
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/truth_is
The truth is rarely pure and never simple.
Oscar Wilde
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/truth_is
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/truth_is
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