Sleep is so important to mental wellness and health in general. I have been feeling the best I have ever have in my adult life but, today reminded me that I will always live with bi polar type 2 and remain dedicated on a daily basis to stick to rountines which includes a good nights sleep.
I have not slept much the last few days and it caught up to me today. My mind raced and cycled rapidly. Thoughts, feelings, my life, pictures, images, good things, bad things running through my mind at light speed. The first time this ever happened to me in my journey with bi polar, it was fucking scary. Not knowing why my thoughts couldn't stop or slow down. I can recognize it now and identify symptoms as to what the racing evolved from. The simple fact was that I did not take proper steps to maintain a routine at night and my sleep suffered. When I do not get proper rest, my mind , although healthier than ever, is not as tuned in to managing thoughts and mood.
Although today was a struggle at times, I am very thankful that the racing or rapid cycling does not happen as much anymore. And I am also thankful that the cycling rarely involves suicidal thoughts anymore. I still have the passing one but, not the every day fixed ones that I used to struggle with.
It shows that the work I have put in this year is paying off and I need to continue to face each day with a positive attitude and work through my day in small steps.
This year has proven to me that change is possible. If you could have lived inside my mind for the last 25 years and then see inside my mind now, you would be amazed. It has been a life changing year and I do not take any day for granted.
I want to help others. I want to show that there is hope. I want to tell them that they are not alone.
I want to explain that I understand their pain. I want to shout out to them that the light will eventually shine through, even in the darkest of times. There is hope and life is worth fighting for.
Step by step. Day by day. You matter in this world.
Take care,
Shawn
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