Beautiful Day for the Blues

I have been feeling a little down lately, stressing about events that are not even here yet.  Today was just what the doctor ordered.  It was thirteen degrees and the sun was shining down through the clear blue sky.  I know we have not had much of a winter but, today was a welcome sight.  I believe winter affects the moods of a lot of us and the upcoming spring and summer will help get the right endorphin's going in the brain again.

Jodi and I went for a great walk with Ollie today.  It was amazing seeing everyone out enjoying the fresh air like bears coming out of hibernation for the first time.  The side walks are often like ghost towns through the winter months and the weather today brought some life back to our town.  The grass was a welcome sight, cannot wait to get the mower going again.  I take great pride in my lines as Jodi will tell you.

It is a funny thing.  Every time I feel I cannot face an upcoming challenge,  something joyful shows itself to me.  Today was the beautiful weather.  Sometimes it is a song on the radio. Ollie may greet me at the door wagging his tail profusely.  Is it divine intervention, perhaps.  What I do know is that I am very thankful for the positive energy that does fly in when I really need it.  It keeps things in perspective for me and helps me stay focused on living strong.

Read something inspiring this week.  Take care, Shawn

Strengh of a Woman

I would be remiss if I did not write a blog about the most important person in my life,  my wife Jodi.

Jodi and I met ten years a go.  She is from Nova Scotia and is a proud east coast girl.  We have been married for three years now and live in our little house in Fergus with our dog Ollie.

She is a remarkable woman.  Her strength of character and passion for life inspires me.  It would have been easy for her to give up on me long a go but, she saw something in me worth fighting for.  I would never have got to this point in my life without her love, support and sacrifice.  Jodi is my Angel in this crazy world and I appreciate everything she brings to our relationship.

Jodi pushes me when I need to be pushed.  She is there to hold me when I need to be held.  She kicks me in the butt when I need one.  She listens when I need to be heard.  She is a ray of sunshine in some of my stormy days.

We are not the perfect couple as I do not believe that exists.  We argue and push each others buttons at times but, we work at it.  If anyone tells you that a relationship is easy, they are lying.  It is a growing process and you have to be willing to revel in the good times together and pick one another up in the bad.  It is a marathon, not a sprint. 

I am so grateful that Jodi is in my life.  I look forward to seeing what the future has in store for us,  one day at a time.

ttt

Random

Just got back from the gym.  Had a great work out.  I am probably in the best shape I have been in for quite some time which feels good.  The gym also occupies my mind and allows me to focus on a positive energy.  Every time I finish there, I feel refreshed.

I am watching some NCAA hoops.  The madness is approaching fast and I can't wait.  There is no better tournament in the world than the NCAA basketball championship.  I like North Carolina to win it all and think Murray State can make a good push too.  I love the intensity of college athletics.  The passion, the attention to detail and the competitiveness is something that often lacks in professional sports.

I think I have found my passion in life.  I have always loved to write.  This blog has affirmed that for me and I have loved every key stroke of this.  Now if I can only find a way to make some sort of living out of this, I will be set.  So if you are a publisher,  screen writer or editor, give me a call.  I am have some pretty interesting stories to write about.  I believe there is a need for more stories surrounding mental health in the general media.  Who knows, maybe this blog will launch my literary career.

For now,  I am planning on going back to landscaping in April.  I love being outside and transforming properties in to things of beauty.  As I mentioned, I am scared of going back based on past work experiences.  My mind tends to race a lot when I work and it is not always too pleasant.  The good thing about the company that I will probably go back to is that they know my situation and are more than accommodating.  Going to meet with my boss on the weekend to see where I stand for the season.  Would be awesome to work in town but, does not look like that will work out. 

Anyway, our lap top battery is gonna die.  Enjoy the rest of your day.

Shawn

Laughter is a key to happiness.

A Bit Off

I am feeling a bit off today.  Cannot quite put my finger on it as my day was not too different than most.  Guess I am getting scared of going back to work in a month.  I am still not sure exactly where that will be but, anxiety always follows me when transitioning back in to employment.  I am good at landscaping so I really have no reason to be nervous.  I know what to expect and know that it is something I can be successful at.  Self doubt always creeps in when it comes to jobs.  I always doubt and second guess myself.  I worry about things I do not need to worry about and my mood often deteriorates.

I did not get to the gym today so that could have something to do with my mind set.  I always feel better after I work out.  I did not go today because I did squats for the first time in a long time and my back is now killing me.  I will make a point to go tomorrow.

I am also nervous about our future real estate ventures.  The house we are living in is going to be sold in the next few months.  We rent from our family and they would like to sell.  So we can either buy this one or look at purchasing our first home elsewhere.  We are not exactly living large so the financial pressure of buying a home is stressful for me.  I know it will all work out somehow but, I feel overwhelmed by it all.  I really enjoy living in this house and ultimately would like to stay.  Hopefully we can make it happen.

I did walk Ollie today but, did not get the same enjoyment out of it that I usually do.  I was just in one of those moods that I get stuck in some times.  Ollie did not get to go off leash today as yesterday was quite the adventure.  Maybe we will try again tomorrow.

Tomorrow is a new day and as my Dad always says, "This too will pass".

Happy Wednesday

Shawn

Ollie

Ollie is my two year old yellow lab.  I never understood the reference to " man's best friend " until we got him.  I am not sure if we will ever have children but, Ollie is definitely part of the family.  He came in to our lives at exactly the right time.  I was on disability leave from the school board and not really sure what lay in store for me.  I was sixty pounds over weight and not too motivated to do anything.  The week before we got him, I started going back to the gym.  I was tired of being a lump and wanted to change some things.  When we got Ollie,  he helped me stay motivated to shed the pounds.  Walking every day with him certainly helped and also chasing after him when he did not come back to me.

I highly recommend getting a dog for anyone struggling with a mental illness.  Dogs do not judge you.  They love you unconditionally.  Even if you have had a really shitty day, they still wag their tail when they see you.  I am not sure if Ollie really comprehends the impact he has made on our lives.  He is one of the positive affirmations in my mind to keep me pushing through life.  Jodi is not a dog person but, she too has fallen for our boy.

When I was not motivated to do anything, I still knew that I had to walk Ollie.  So I would walk him and things I was worrying about did not seem that important anymore.  Fresh air and exercise are very therapeutic for mind, body and soul.  Dogs help the healing process.

I made the mistake of watching Marley and Me soon after we got Ollie.  It was a beautiful story but, the ending is heart wrenching.  I still ball my eyes out when I watch it.  I know Ollie is not immortal but, I cannot fathom the day when we have to make that decision.  I  am getting sad now just writing about it.

Ollie is amazing and I am so thankful for the gift of his companionship.

Bye for now, Shawn.

National Champs Baby!!!

Just got back from CIS Volleyball Championships in Kingston.  I am happy to announce that the Trinity Western Spartans repeated as gold medalists .  Was an amazing weekend of volleyball and was capped off with a thrilling fourth set victory by the Spartans.  Queens did an excellent job as the hosts and the fans were treated to some thrilling volleyball action.

It was awesome to see my bro Ryan over the weekend.  We do not get to see each other too often so I truly enjoyed spending some quality time with him.  So proud of his work at Trinity and with Volleyball Canada.  He knows more about volleyball techniques and systems than I ever will.

While in Kingston, we probably went to the worst breakfast joint ever.  If you are ever visiting Kingston, do not go to Morrisons in the downtown core.  Let me just say that it was not appetizing.

The weekend was important for Jodi and I as well.  We do not get a way too often and was great to re-connect with each other.  We even managed to shop together for a few hours without incident. ( I do not normally do well at shopping) We had wonderful dinner at Lone Star down by the water.  I highly recommend it and suggest trying the fajitas.  The service was amazing.

We had a chance to go for some walks down by the water and have a few saunas at the hotel.  I think it is important for couples to get a way a few times a year together.  It helps break the monotony of every day life and brings some of the romance back in to a relationship.  Jodi even missed skating for the first time to stay for the whole weekend which I really appreciate.

I had a pretty good day today.  I had a solid work out although my hamstring is killing me from squats.  I have some other prospects for the upcoming landscaping season which is always nice.  I am not sure what I want to do in April but, am looking forward to getting back to work.  I have to make some phone calls and make some decisions in the next few weeks.  I took Ollie for a good play at the arena and finished sorting some paper work.

I had the downzies for a bit but, got over them in short order today.  My mind seems to be more at peace these days and am cautiously optimistic about where I am at mentally.

Hope you are having a marvelous Monday.  Take care.  Shawn

The Bi-Polar Express

I am not sure if anyone will ever actually read this blog but, thought it relevant to share some things about myself.  I am 36 year old and have bi-polar 2 disorder which is a clinical form of depression.  If I look back at my life, I probably started showing signs/symptoms in the later stages of high school.  I did not know back then what a mental disorder was and just thought I was different from others.  Bi-Polar 1 is more of the manic side of things. Bi-Polar 2 is more on the depressive side. I have struggled immensely with many of the challenges that depression brings with it.  Irrational decision making, suicidal thoughts, addictive behavior, social  challenges, academic struggles, employment issues are just some of the permeating issues I have dealt with. 

The reason I am here today is because of the strong bonds I have maintained with friends and family.  If I had not had those in my life, I am certain I would not be writing in this blog today.  I started writing this blog in hopes that perhaps others struggling with mental illness may find hope in some of my stories.  I also started writing this blog as a form of therapy.  I strongly suggest to those who may be facing adversity, to write their thoughts down.  I am not certain what it is but, there is something magical about putting words on a page.

I feel it is important not to let a mental disorder define who you are and living each day as it comes is important.  Remember that after a rain storm,  a rainbow is soon to follow.  Take pleasure in the small victories in life and never give up.

That is all for now.  Happy Thursday!!! Living a perfectly imperfect life,  Shawn.