Happy Happy Happy

Well I happy to say that today went amazingly well.  I was still struggling this morning but,  my worry was quickly put to rest. All the anxiety I had created within my mind was again proven pointless.  I need to use past successes to help me realize that worrying serves no purpose.  No one created my mental strain other than myself.  My boss did want to talk to me about a pruning job I did.  I guess the customer was a little disappointed with my work.  He just wanted to point out a few things that need improvement.  I am very good at pruning but, if I want to be great, I need to take care of the little things better.  At times,  I have rushed and not payed attention to things like making sure the plant is cleaned out.  I will make every effort to improve and will continue to learn.

I was having some thoughts of suicide yesterday but, a day like today continues to show me that life is worth living.  It was a beautiful day as the sun was shining bright and the fall colours on the trees were in full affect.  I was able to work on a fairly big hedge and enjoyed the challenge.  The customer we worked for was so nice and she was really pleased with what we did.  She even commented on how hard we work which was good to hear.  My boss dropped of a coffee for us which I really appreciated.  I was getting a little tired so a little pick me up definitely hit the spot.

I do not mention my suicidal thoughts lightly.  I am just trying to be honest and let you in to part of my journey with bi-polar.  I do not choose to have those thoughts and would rather they did not come at all.  I have so many positive things to live for but,  at times,  those positives seem to have no relevance in my mind.  They certainly do not come as often which I am thankful for.  The healthier my mind becomes,  the less they seem to appear.  I just have to push through some harder moments and continue to remember how far I have come.

I was going to watch the football game but,  think I will just catch the Jays game.  Baseball is almost over and I am certain the Broncos will make quick work of the Raiders.  Was awesome to see Jodi and Ollie tonight.  I really missed them today and am looking forward to relaxing as a family tonight.

All the best in the upcoming week.  Take care,  Shawn.

Be kind to one another.