The Zone

I have been in a zone this week.  Everything has gone smoothly and I have been determined not to let things phase me as much.  Hitters in baseball often say that when they are in a zone,  the ball just looks so much bigger.  It has been similar for me at work this week.  Many of our big properties have seemed like small ones and have not overwhelmed me in the slightest.  I have also been a trimming machine and have carried a quiet confidence with me each day.  I did have the downzies for a brief time at one of our properties as I think the pace I set caught up with me a bit and just felt exhausted.  Normally in the past when I get the downzies,  they seem to control the outcome of the rest of my day.  They did not last long and I was able to finish the day strong and have a good night at home.  I did get pretty frustrated on Monday as we were doing a job that I was not too familiar with.  We were setting a new drainage pipe and I was having a difficult time for parts of the day.  I felt like a dumb ass when I did not have the measuring stick extended properly and my boss had to take his measurements over again.  I envy my boss as he knows so much about every aspect of landscaping and excels at whatever project he takes on.  I did learn a lot that day though and was proud of myself for pushing through.

I am watching the Eagles and Chiefs game tonight.  I have Vick in fantasy football and am hoping he lights it up again this week.  Should be an entertaining game and I have a feeling there will not be a shortage of scoring.  I love being involved in fantasy leagues as they are a good distraction for me.  They also help keep my competitive juices flowing as I do not play too many sports these days.

We have six more weeks left of grass cutting.  I am anxious to start fall clean ups.  The end of the season is so close and I am hoping the next two months fly by.  My body definitely needs some down time and I am looking forward to starting with my counselor again.  She is easy to talk to and am looking forward to letting her know how things have been going for me.  I have been off the last two years in time for American thanksgiving which I loved as I could catch the NFL games on the Thursday.  I have a feeling I may have to work longer than that but,  I guess time will tell.  I know I will certainly be excited when that last day comes and I can drive home thinking all I have accomplished this year.

I think part of my success over the last few months has been controlling my thoughts with better consistency.  My mind was sick for a long time and it has come a long way.  The problem in years gone by is that I gave my thoughts too much power.  If something messed up crossed my mind,  I would dwell on it and let it affect me.  Now I try to view thoughts as being transparent.  I attempt to let them just flow in one side of my head and out the other.  I have had every thought imaginable in my grey matter and it was difficult to separate the healthy mind from the sick mind at times.  I now know that my thoughts do not have to mean anything.  With having bi-polar 2,  I am going to have many thoughts that are not "normal" but, that does not mean I have to give them any value in terms of who I am as a person.  I know I am a good person and have changed dramatically over the last five years.  Yes,  I have made mistakes but,  I am moving forward with a new outlook on life in general. 

Hope this finds you well.  Have a good weekend.  Take care,  Shawn.

Peace is found within.