Sunday, 22 September 2013

The Weekend Blues

I have not had a good weekend.  I have been anxious and worrying about tomorrow the last two days.  My mind has been racing and I cried again tonight as I am simply drained from mental unrest.  This all started Friday after work.  We finished forty five minutes early and I did not drop one of the machines off.  Now I am sure these two factors are of no consequence but,  I did not get a chance to double check.  I even sat in my car for twenty minutes and drove to a couple of properties to make sure I had made a reasonable call but, I did not get a chance to talk to my boss.

No one has said or done anything to me but, I have created so many scenarios in my mind.  I turn something small in to an immense struggle and it frustrates me.  I do not want to think like this and would much rather enjoy my time off with Jodi.  It must be hard for Jodi when I sink in to these depressions and she tries admirably to cheer me up and I do not make an effort to change my mindset.  If history has proven anything to me,  tomorrow will probably come and I will end up having a good day.  I could certainly do without the anguish leading up to it though.

We watched Tom Brady visit with an 18 year old make a wish patient today on NFL Countdown.  The young man had a rare heart condition and his prognosis is not very positive.  He walks around with a bag around his neck in order to take the medication he needs to survive.  This 18 year old was not bitter and did not feel sorry for himself.  He had a positive outlook and said something to the affect that God only puts the strongest people through the most difficult things.  I often ask God myself why he puts challenges before me when I seem to be heading in the right direction.  Perhaps he believes I am strong enough for it but,  at times I am not sure I am.  I often feel like giving up.  Tomorrow, I feel like hiding from the world curled up in our bed.

Take care,  Shawn.

Just because the anguish in a persons mind is not visible,  does not mean that it does not exist.




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