I have not had a good weekend. I have been anxious and worrying about tomorrow the last two days. My mind has been racing and I cried again tonight as I am simply drained from mental unrest. This all started Friday after work. We finished forty five minutes early and I did not drop one of the machines off. Now I am sure these two factors are of no consequence but, I did not get a chance to double check. I even sat in my car for twenty minutes and drove to a couple of properties to make sure I had made a reasonable call but, I did not get a chance to talk to my boss.
No one has said or done anything to me but, I have created so many scenarios in my mind. I turn something small in to an immense struggle and it frustrates me. I do not want to think like this and would much rather enjoy my time off with Jodi. It must be hard for Jodi when I sink in to these depressions and she tries admirably to cheer me up and I do not make an effort to change my mindset. If history has proven anything to me, tomorrow will probably come and I will end up having a good day. I could certainly do without the anguish leading up to it though.
We watched Tom Brady visit with an 18 year old make a wish patient today on NFL Countdown. The young man had a rare heart condition and his prognosis is not very positive. He walks around with a bag around his neck in order to take the medication he needs to survive. This 18 year old was not bitter and did not feel sorry for himself. He had a positive outlook and said something to the affect that God only puts the strongest people through the most difficult things. I often ask God myself why he puts challenges before me when I seem to be heading in the right direction. Perhaps he believes I am strong enough for it but, at times I am not sure I am. I often feel like giving up. Tomorrow, I feel like hiding from the world curled up in our bed.
Take care, Shawn.
Just because the anguish in a persons mind is not visible, does not mean that it does not exist.
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