38

Today I turned 38 years old.  Hard to believe that so many years have come and gone.  I had the birthday blues this morning and a little case of the downzies.  I spent part of the morning crying in bed, not wanting to talk to anyone.  I just started thinking of what another year of life would be like.  I put so much effort in to getting through each year and it concerns me that I will continue to fight through the same shit again.  I can accept that I have bi-polar but, I do not have to embrace it at times.  It can be an immense struggle and I find it difficult to continually deal with what the disorder entails.

My birthday did get better and was able to enjoy the later stages of the day.  I got some very nice birthday messages and was able to connect with my family and different points of the day.  Jodi and I went to my parents for dinner and were treated to some delicious ribs.  My mom even made a lemon meringue pie which was excellent.

Jodi ordered me a couple books for my birthday.  One is a book about a woman's journey with bi-polar and the other is Walking Home From Mongolia by Rob Lilwall.  I pre-ordered Rob's book so I will not get it for a while but, am really anxious to start reading about his adventure.

I am watching the Kansas vs Iowa State state game right now.  Cannot wait to see Andrew Wiggans in the pros.  Would be nice is the Raptors could someone manage to land him but, does not appear that will happen.  The Raps have been on a roll lately and look poised to make the play offs for the first time in years.

Have a good week.  Take care,  Shawn.


“Life is painful and messed up. It gets complicated at the worst of times, and sometimes you have no idea where to go or what to do. Lots of times people just let themselves get lost, dropping into a wide open, huge abyss. But that's why we have to keep trying. We have to push through all that hurts us, work past all our memories that are haunting us. Sometimes the things that hurt us are the things that make us strongest. A life without experience, in my opinion, is no life at all. And that's why I tell everyone that, even when it hurts, never stop yourself from living.”
― Alysha Speer